Easy Mac and Immolation Pigs
by ImmolationPiggieOfDoom
Summary: When Madness and easy mac are put together...it's not the prettiest outcome. It can be Damn Hilarious though! This is entirely crack. And stupidity. On hiatus for major editing, possible total rewrite, and maybe even death. Apologies.
1. Easy Mac And Immolation Pigs

_**A/U-This is purely the result of me having mac and cheese for lunch, and the dough boys constant nagging. They just won't shut up. Enjoy the madness.**_

**Disclaimer-**_**I do not own JtHM. No matter how hard I try, Johnen refuses to give it up.**_

Elizabeth was sitting at the kitchen table, alone in her house. Her older brothers were at work and would not be back till late. Her parents and younger brother, out to eat a distance from the house. She chose to stay home for the sole reason of there being easy mac available. And there was a strange sense of something happening…..

I sat down at the table with my bowl of warm and gooey easy mac. My mood was ruined about 5 seconds later.

_Come now Elizabeth! What are you doing! You could be out there…slaughtering the asses of the age._

"No. Just shut up Mr. Eff. Why aren't you bothering Johnny? I'm sure he's in the mood for a killing spree. And besides, I don't have any weapons."

_There's a butcher knife on the counter._

I bit my lip. It _was_ a good chance. Maybe…

_Why are you even thinking about that Elizabeth? Why go kill other people when you can kill yourself instead?_

I sighed. "Oh Psycho D boy, why must you insist on suicide? I have thought about it and decided-NO. If I were to do such as you suggested, I would be missing out on _so_ many things. Shut up both of you. I don't want your shit tonight. Can't you see that I'm _trying_ to enjoy my easy mac?"

I was startled out of my argument by someone crashing through the window and holding a knife to my neck. Not your every day occurrence.

"What the _**Fuck!**_" I screamed.

Nny's PoV-

Wait a second…this wasn't the right house. I was supposed to be in the house with that jerkish brat that kicked me in the shin the other day! I removed the knife from this girls neck.

"Heh…..sorry about that. Wrong house."

Why was she staring at me like that? Normally they would be screaming. I was about to climb back out through the window when she said something. It really surprised me.

"Don't you want some easy mac Johnny?"

I spun around. How did she know my name? Then I heard them.

_Why are you offering him easy mac! You should be running!_

"Because! Everybody likes easy mac! Besides, I've waited forever to meet Johnny!"

I realized that this was another one of those fangirls. At least she wasn't trying to hug me like the last one….Wait. She could talk to the dough boys?

"Hey Nny, if you don't want any you can go."

I stared at her blankly.

"Sure I'll have some. But why are you talking to the Dough boys?"

"They won't leave me alone! Ugh. Plus, they're everywhere, not just at home. It sucks."

She handed me a bowl of easy mac as I sat down. I took a bite, and god did this girl make good mac!

We talked about nothing in particular. She was curious about what _exactly _was behind the wall though.

"I'm not really sure….I just don't want it getting out."

As our simple chat continued, I learned that not all stupid fangirls were so eager to try and hug me or whatever. She infact, hated that kind. I promised her that I would try to keep the dough boys from bugging her. She was grateful. Our converstion was interrupted by-

"OH MY GOD NNY! LOOK OUT! IMMOLATION PIGS OF DOOM!"

I barely got out alive.

**Not the best fic I know. I really just got bored and had the need to write. Review and kill my joy if you wish. Or perhaps you liked it. This is a sure sign that you are as insane as me. Congrats! Until the next pathetic story. I bid you farewell. And Johnny lied. The dough boys STILL bug the shit out of me.**

I


	2. Embracing Madness

Embracing Madness

Elizabeth sighed. Why was life so boring? Seriously, absolutely NOTHING had happened…in YEARS. Well…that might have been over exaggerating, but it had been quite a few months. She shivered just thinking about it, a huge smile spread out over her face. She had met _Johnny._

_The _Johnny. Johnny C.

And it was _amazing._ He may have nearly slaughtered her at first…and maybe once or twice in their conversation…but it was _so_ worth it.

Until of course, those God-Damned Immolation Pigs flew through the window and nearly killed them both. She never thought she'd end up hating her screen name. Quickly popping her own thought bubble, she continued walking through the city. She _had_ come downtown with friends, but she had been ditched somewhere along the way. She was currently heading back to their decided meeting place in case any of them got lost. As she walked, she studied the graffiti covering randomly placed walls and otherwise boring buildings. She began talking aloud to herself, as to make sure the doughboys didn't pick up on her lack of anything to do and start pestering her.

Yes…they were still there.

"Ugh. I wish I could freaking draw that well. I can copy images, but that's about it. This _sucks._" She began humming "Riot" by Three Days Grace. The only reason she even knew the song existed was because she found a JtHM video with it. It was actually kinda sad. Fan videos being the only source of good music…it was beyond sad. Her eyes widened as she felt herself being pulled backwards, a hand covering her mouth. She began to squirm and struggle, even tried kicked her attacker down south, but nothing worked. And of course, she _had_ to stop when there was suddenly a knife against her neck. She stayed as still as possible as she felt herself be dragged farther back. She was spun around, but before she had a chance to even think about punching her attacker, she gasped.

"J…Johnny? What the Fuck! I was ready to kick you in a sensitive area! Why'd you do that!" He just stared at her as she ranted. He finally figured out what was bothering him.

"You're hair is brown now."

"And- what?"

"It's not blond. It was blond before, wasn't it?"

"Umm…yes. It…was…"

"That's why I did that."

"You practically dragged me into a back alley…because my hair was a different colour. What?" Elizabeth was completely and utterly confused.

"I had to be sure it was you!" She stared at him.

"Why…were you looking for me or something?" Johnny nodded. "May I ask why?" Johnny looked real sheepish all of the sudden.

"Cause…I wanted your recipe for how you made that Easy Mac. I remember you telling me…but…I can't remember _what _you told me."

"Uh…Oh…kay…"

"GREAT!" Johnny shouted all of the sudden. "Then I'll take you to my house, and you can show me!" Elizabeth jerked her head at that little bit of information.

"But! Um, couldn't I just tell you again! Or write it down!" Johnny shook his head.

"Nope. You have to show me." Elizabeth was freaking out. Sure, it wasn't like she hadn't dreamt of actually seeing Nny's home. (And ringing the Doorbell…heh…) But, only TWO people had ever come out of there alive. One was Devi, who totally kicked his ass, something that had already been proven she could not do, and the other was that guy he used to clean out his freezer. She wanted excitement, but not _death._ She saw that they were fast approaching his crappy (But awesome) car. This was definitely not good.

"Um, Nny, it's just that, not many people come out of your house very _alive._" Johnny shrugged as he pushed her into the passenger seat.

"Don't worry!" He chirped. "I just killed a few people, you should be fine. And besides, there's no wall to feed anymore! I don't _think_ I'll kill you." Elizabeth gulped at the extra emphasis he put on the word think. She quickly buckled up though, and held on tightly to the arms of her chair. Johnny didn't notice as he sped off, breaking just about, oh, every traffic law there was. He even hit a pedestrian once, and she couldn't help but yelling

"Fifty points!" as he drove along crazily. His grin grew a little bit bigger. Perhaps a little more insane too. The drive had to be one of the scariest, but also most exciting, things that Elizabeth had done in a long while.

When they finally arrived, he practically jumped out of the car. Elizabeth got out more slowly, but her act of normalcy ended when she spotted a certain someone in the driveway next door.

For the first time in her life, she allowed a fan girl worthy shriek to escape her lips.

Some might say it sounded more like a "squee."

She quickly ran over to the little boy.

"Hi!" She said, waving vigorously. Young Todd Casil let out a Squee! himself when she did this. She immediately looked crestfallen. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you. You just look so cute! And your teddy is so cute too! Awww! Can I hold him?" The small boy, shook his head. Elizabeth's face fell even further.

"Well…why not?"

"Mr. Scary Neighbor Man says not to talk to strangers." Her face brightened up again.

"But I'm not a stranger! See! Me and Johnny are friends!" She said, pointing. Squee looked at her for another minute or so, before slowly handing the bear up to her.

"His name's Shmee." He said quietly. She smiled a huge smile and hugged the bear tightly.

"Hello Shmee! You're so cute! And pretty fluffy and soft too!" She smiled and hugged it again. So as not to scare Todd, she leaned over to ask his name next.

"Todd." He said, giving a small smile.

"Okay! And Shmee, I want you to take really good care of Todd here, okay? You make sure that he never gets hurt, and nothing happens to him alright? You should keep bad things from happening…and not _soak them up or something._" She paused, holding the animal close to her ear. Nodding occasionally. "Yup! I _trust_ you to do this for me Shmee! I should give you back to Todd now though, he looks so lonely without you."

"Well Todd," Elizabeth said cheerily. "You have one of the _nicest_," She almost had to force out the word, but made sure Todd didn't notice. "Bears I have _ever_ had the pleasure of meeting." She quickly handed him back the toy, before ruffling his hair and running off to meet Johnny back at his car, who had stood watching the whole thing in stunned silence. "I've got to go make some easy mac for Johnny Todd! See ya later!" She then pulled Johnny inside with her before slowly closing the door. Right as Johnny was about to ask her how the HECK she did that though, she screamed and pulled at her hair.

"I AM GOING TO **KILL** THAT LITTLE LINT-INFESTED BASTARD! HE INSULTED ME THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS TALKING TO SQUEE! UGH! HE CALLED ME A SUCK UP BITCH! I PRACTICALLY HAD TO FORCE MYSELF TO COMPLIMENT HIM! GOD! IF SQUEE HADN'T BEEN RIGHT THERE, IT WOULD BE NOTHING BUT STUFFING AND EVIL LEFT BY NOW!" Johnny shook his head at her little episode. And he thought HE hated the damn bear. When she finally calmed down, Johnny pointed to the kitchen.

"Hmm?"

"Well?" She didn't say anything for a second, until it finally clicked in her brain.

"Oh! Yeah, I'm coming!" She nodded and followed him in. Once she had gotten a bowl (lawl, I almost put BOWEL.) and poured in the noodles and correct amount of water, she stopped in front of the old, practically dead microwave.

"Hey Nny…is this gonna blow up on me when I turn it on?" He shrugged.

"I don't know, I haven't used it for a while. It might." If Elizabeth was in an anime, she knew she would be sweat dropping right now. _I feel so much safer._ She thought sarcastically as she put it in the microwave anyway, and set the time for 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

She took it out carefully with Johnny's blood soaked oven mitts, not even asking about the red stains when they were handed to her.

"I'm going to pretend it's from eating skettios…" She muttered darkly. She approached the sink and poured out the water slowly, until no more fell from the bowl.

"Hmm…Why'd you pour the water out?" Johnny asked curiously.

"Milk makes it nice and gooey!" She sang. "Do you have any milk?" Astoundingly, he did! It wasn't even spoiled either. She poured a small amount in, barely any actually, and then was about to add the cheese, when Johnny stopped her. One eye twitching, he grabbed her wrist.

"Hmm?"

"Can I please do it?" He asked.

"Uh...sure." Quickly releasing her wrist, he grabbed the packet and spread it evenly across the top. When Elizabeth looked after he had finished, she could only smile.

He had made it in the Shape of Happy Noodle Boy's head. She didn't want to ruin his picture, but she needed to finish it.

After carefully mixing it, she set it in front of Johnny, who now sat at his lopsided table.

"Thanks!" He said. Elizabeth just sorta looked around as he ate, listening carefully. She could hear the screaming all the way up here. She shivered. She looked back over to Johnny, only to see had had finished eating and was staring at her intently, the small bit of sanity that had been in his eyes gone.

"You look frightened." He commented.

"Yeah, sorry. I just…I started hearing the screaming down stairs. It's a lot spookier in real life." Johnny stood slamming his hands down on the table, his face twisted in anger.

"WHY! ARE YOU AFRAID OF ME!" Quaking…she nodded, slowly. His face was back to normal instantly. "Alright then. It's a good thing you told the truth. You see, if you had lied, I would have had to kill you. Well! You should probably get going! It's starting to get dark out. Somebody is going to get worried." She just nodded as he led her to the car. Before she got in though, Elizabeth ran back to the house, rang the doorbell for a good 7 seconds, and then ran back to the car giggling.

It was silent driving back to the meeting place with Johnny. Elizabeth had told him that was where she needed to be, seeing as she was fairly certain she had been lost when he found her in the alley. Though the drive was as hectic as last time, she didn't grip quite so tightly to the seat. And when they arrived, she said one last thanks to Johnny.

"Thank you so much for a great day Nny! I was gonna be bored out of my mind otherwise. Next time, though, please don't make me think I'm about to get raped." Johnny nodded. "Bye Nny! Tell Squee I said Hello!"

"Bye!" He yelled as he drove away. Elizabeth couldn't resist saying one last thing though.

"And watch out for those other fan girls Nny! They'll try to GLOMP you!" She didn't miss the horrified look on his face or the mouthed word "GLOMP!" before he disappeared around the corner.

She was left laughing until her friends arrived.

When they asked what she had done while she was lost though, she only smiled and said something that would confuse them until the end of time.

"I embraced the Madness. Oh, and I made some Easy Mac."

**A/U-Ta Da! If you're wondering why there is suddenly another chapter to this once-believed-to-be-a-oneshot-story, it's because in Potatoes4Eva's review, to add some Humor I suppose, they demanded a "Sequel and Live Action Movie." As you know, I can't do much about the movie, but a sequel?**

**Easy.**

**Plus, it rids me of boredom. Though normally, I would try to address reviewers now, that chapter just DRAINED me. So, if you want to me to make this into a series of slightly connected one-shots, I will do that. Even one review is enough! I get bored, and this really gets the brain juices flowing. Farewell, my piggies! And don't forget…**

**Embrace the Madness. It's all we have left.**


	3. Jimmy's Back

Jimmy's Back

Kiri sighed. Elizabeth was so lucky…with all those electronics and her new laptop-she got all the best shit. She, however, was left with absolutely nothing to do, and summer was almost over. What was a bored girl to do? Getting up slowly, she peeked out of her bedroom door, and went throughout the house, making sure everyone was asleep. It was 2:00 A.M. after all. Quietly, she slipped on a pair of Jeans, an old care bears shirt she usually wore under something else, and her some-what trade mark black jacket, with a cool checkered black white and gray pattern on the inside. Grabbing some converse, she slipped out the front door. She sat on the ground and laced them up, then proceeded to walk around the neighborhood.

She normally wasn't an insomniac like this, but something had been stealing her sleep lately. She didn't really think about anything as she walked, not even where she was going. Before she knew it, she was completely lost.

"Well shit. And my phone isn't even working. Fuck this." Remembering walking in a curve a few times, she thought it might be smarter to just keep on going this direction. "Why'd I even think about doing this? I never do anything like this. Damn it." Kiri was pretty sure that she was gonna be in huge trouble when she got home. They'd probably freak out and think she was kidnapped or something. She continued walking, now out of the neighborhoods and in what was…a city? "The fuck?" She whispered. It took at least an hour to drive from where she lived to get to the city. That was driving. She had been walking. And, she had sworn she was just in a neighborhood, surrounded by trees. She turned to look behind her, but only saw a fairly emptied sidewalk.

"What. The. Hell." Spotting a woman with a watch nearby, though she normally wouldn't go and talk to some stranger, she ran up to her. "Hey!" she said as she approached. Said woman looked down at her with disdain. "Could you please tell me what time it is? My phone isn't working and-" The woman snorted.

"Like I would even consider helping a little goth freak like you. Get lost you loser!" She yelled in high and nasally voice, before spinning around and stalking off. Kiri absolutely _hated_ people like that. When she was sure she was out of earshot, she yelled to the air-

"Well **fine! **Be an ass! At least I'm not **fat** you bitch!" She continued angrily until she found a 24/7. She braced her eyes for the harsh lighting, but still shielded her face when she walked into the store. After wandering for a bit, she found a clock and her head pretty much exploded. It said it was 2:15 A.M. But she had _left_ at 2:00, and knew she had been walking for a **lot** longer than that. She covered her face and let out a frustrated growl. (She picks this up from DBZ folks. She can also impersonate Vegeta to near perfection. Hell, she could be his freaking DAUGHTER. Hint hint…) She was about to leave when a package of Easy Mac caught her eye. She went to stand in front of it and stared for a while. Putting her forefinger to her lips, she hummed quietly while she thought. _Elizabeth has been going on and on about easy mac lately… And the apparent shortage of it at her house. Maybe I should get her some. Or, just to piss her off, I should buy it, and post a picture of me eating it on facebook. Yeah, she'll get a huge laugh out of that. Guess I'll get it then. _She picked up the cup of noodle and cheese goodness. Walking to the counter, she placed it in front of the cashier, and fished in her pockets for cash.

"Fuck, come on…I know I left cash in here…" Finally pulling out a ten, she paid for the Easy Mac and walked out with her prize in hand. But she muttered to herself darkly about what it cost her. "I feel like I was just ripped off. I think that guy took more than he was supposed to. Where ever the Hell I am, this place sucks." She wandered the streets, keeping the Mac in her pocket. But she had been feeling really paranoid ever since she left that 24/7. She glanced behind her, and saw the figure of a man, leaning against a wall, he looked to be smoking something too. She scrunched her face in distaste.

"I swear to God I am never doing drugs." She continued on her way, still looking for a sign of anything familiar. She wasn't even downtown, the downtown she knew never had so many alleys and tall buildings…

Or suck jerkish bitches wandering around, not even giving a little teenager the time… Seriously, who did that? Suddenly, Kiri was hit with a sickeing presence right behind her, one of those gut feelings, before a hand covered her mouth and another wrapped around her waist, as she began to be hauled towards a dark alley. She hit and kicked, and heard a few satisfied grunts from her efforts, but her assailant wouldn't let go. A knife was pressed against her neck, but she continued to kick anyway. She only stopped when she felt a sharp pain and a warm trickle of blood run down her skin. She breathed heavily, and stood defiant on the outside, but terrified within. (I know you won't like hearing that Kiri, but everyone would be terrified in a situation like this. Except for Vegeta or Johnny…people like that. But for this story, your powers are out of commission.) She heard a dark chuckling behind her.

"I can tell you're gonna be fun. I can't wait to get started. Just imagine how proud he'll be! When I bring your mangled limbs to his doorstep, he'll _have_ to be my mentor this time!" Before Kiri, or her attacker for that matter, could even think after that statement, there was a sick swishing sound, and then liquid hit the ground in a few drops. She fell to her knees, gasping, as some commotion went on behind her.

"I FUCKING KILLED YOU ALREADY! WHY ARE YOU ALIVE YOU SICK FUCKING BASTARD! EVEN AFTER I RIPPED YOUR CHEST OPEN AND CRUSHED YOUR HEAD, YOU WANT ME TO TEACH YOU? FINE! FINAL LESSON! IF YOU DIE, STAY DEAD!" Disgusting sound after disgusting sound, and she almost thought she couldn't take it anymore. There was a terrified howling, mixed with the gurgling of blood, before another swift _swoosh_ cut it short. Kiri turned around to see what had happened, but wished she hadn't. Before her eyes was what could only be described as a mass of flesh, sliced to nothing more than blood, skin, and bone, piled in an unrecognizable heap.

Perhaps about to have a layer of puke mixed in.

She looked up at the slim frame of the man who had done this, saving her in the process. She couldn't make out much, but two antenna like extensions coming from the head, and his eyes, glinting in the darkness. Though she wasn't as much as an obsessive as Elizabeth, she recognized him immediately.

It was Johnny C.

Suddenly, a conversation she had with her friend, popped into her head.

"_Oh my God! Kiri, you will never believe what freaking happened to me today! Johnny, the actual Johnny, came crashing through my kitchen window and we had Easy Mac! It was so AWESOME! But then, some Immolation Piggies of DOOM, real ones, came flying through the window too! They tried to kill us and-"_

_Kiri just stared at her friend silently, giving her one of her "Did you stay up all night again?" looks._

"_What?"_

"_Suuurrrreee…Cause that happens all the time. It'd be so cool though! You should write a fanfiction about it!"_

"_I'm serious!"_

"_And I'm Dodoria."_

"_For all I know, you HAVE been hacking down more bacon than Hormel!" _

She wasn't kidding. It had actually happened. And now, the same guy stood before her. She was jolted out of her daze by suddenly realizing Johnny was right in front of her, staring at her intently, bloody knife still in hand and dripping on her shoes. He narrowed his eyes.

"You know, most people would've started screaming or begging for me not to end their pathetic lives by now. Why aren't you screaming? Are you in shock?" Kiri shook her head slowly.

"You…you're…Johnny…C. My…friend met you." Hiss expression didn't change, but he gripped his knife more tightly.

"Was she the one who made that _dress up_ game of me and tried to fucking _hug me_ when I came to kill her for it? She's dead by the way." Kiri shook her head no again.

"She's Elizabeth…she said she made you Easy Mac…" Johnny's face suddenly exploded in an insane smile.

"Alright then! She's the only one who didn't try to GLOMP me, whatever that is, and she was smart enough not to get killed yet!" He shivered as the word glomp escaped his lips. Kiri rose to her feet slowly, and Nny rose with her. "What's your name?" He asked, now looking more like a curious child than a maniac, but what would you expect? It was Nny.

"Kiri." Putting the knife, still bloodied, in his trench coat, he walked slowly out of the alley, motioning her to follow him.

"Well Kiri, I can't exactly say it was a _pleasure_ meeting you, considering the way we met, and that I'm still pretty pissed about that…JIMMY person…coming back to life, but you're not dead yet, so that's good right?" She nodded and walked with him down the road. "I hope that the next time we meet, if ever, is under different circumstances, seeing as you look pretty scarred." She shook her head.

"No…it's fine. Can I ask you something…"

"You can call me Nny."

"Nny. But, where am I?"

"Brazil."

"Well shit. Fuck my life."

"Hmm?"

"I live in the U.S." Johnny shrugged as he continued walking.

"I'm guessing somebody, or something, sent you here, so they'll probably end up sending you back."

"Life isn't that kind." He chuckled slightly at that statement. "Hey." Kiri said suddenly. "Do you want to go get Brain Freezies? They have them here right? I'll pay and everything." Nny stopped and stared at her. He then grabbed her arm, much to her surprise, as she knew he had an issue with touching people, and practically dragged her to the nearest 24/7. When the guy saw Johnny, and the blood on his shirt, he ran and hooked up the freezie machine while he was still picking chips. Kiri got some of the same Senior Salsa chips as him, to give to Elizabeth later. _That bitch is going to be so pissed, yet so happy at the same time._ They got their Freezies, Kiri once again grabbing an extra for Elizabeth, but before she could pull out the money, the guy yelled at them to take it for free. Kiri snickered to herself mentally. _Guess he knew Johnny._ The went outside and sat on a bench, drinking and eating quietly. Nny stared at Kiri most of the time, but she tried to ignore this. Just as she was finishing her Drink of Cherry deelishousness, she began to feel light headed. Placing her snacks in her lap, she clutched her head until the feeling faded. When it did, she found herself back in the kitchen at home.

"What the fuck?" she murmured. When her eyes landed on the table, a smile lit her face.

Elizabeth's Brain Freezie and chips. The Easy Mac too. Quickly shoving all of her goodies in the back of the fridge, she raced to her room and plopped on her bed. She rubbed the still tender spot on her neck, but sighed contentedly.

"I am so making her write about this."

**A/U- What's this? Another update already? Well, I got another review asking me to continue this more, and I was already started on this actually. These chapters would be longer if I could think of more to put in them, and if I worked longer on them. But I just can't wait to update! :P Hope you all enjoyed this, and give me ideas and critique as freely as you want. Because of a request from the same person, I will begin working on a "backstory" for Just Like That. I seem to remember promising one if you asked. Review review review! And as always, Embrace the Madness!**

**It's all we have left.**


	4. Voices

Voices

Elizabeth was so happy. It turned out Kiri had had a run in with Johnny too. She actually believed her now…AND she had gotten a Brain Freezie, along with much appreciated Senior Salsa Chips. And let's all admit it, that picture on facebook where she was eating the Easy Mac was pretty damn hilarious. Plopping herself down in front of her laptop, she closed her eyes, tired from a long day. She had Band Practice for two hours, and then an actual performance, her first one, an hour later. Marching band could really suck, but it could be a lot of fun too. Afterwards, she, her parents, and her Giant younger brother went out to a Mexican restaurant, and then Dairy Queen for Blizzards and Dip Cones. Though she hadn't gotten to go swimming, today being the first day the pool was clean all summer, she had had a good time.

"Ahh….Time to check how many reviews my sto-rees got! La, La, La, La La La, La, La, La…." She began to hum songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas while she brought up the page. She _had_ watched it on YouTube that day, after all. She gasped when it had finally loaded. "Damn it!" She whispered. "Still only 9 for Easy Mac And Immolation Pigs? And none of the others have any more reviews either! I ,mean, yeah it's a short chapter for Music Of The Living Dead, but my NMBC fics can't be THAT bad people! Are you even READING it! Fuck me sideways you bitches!"

"That's interesting. You want people to fuck you?" She whipped around to face Johnny, squatting in her window, much like how he did in "Frighten Thy Neighbor." (GOD how do you spell that! ?) She stared for a minute before answering

"Uh, no, it's something I picked up from one of the stories I read. It's like saying that you just got screwed." Nny nodded. He hopped into her bedroom and shut the window silently. Elizabeth continued staring. "Uh, Nny? Why are you here? And…how did you even get up here? I'm on the second floor…and my Dad has to use a tool to pry that window open." Johnny shrugged.

"There are a lot of trees in your front yard."

"Okay then…Did you need something?" He rubbed the back of his head shyly.

"Well…remember when you met Squee?"

"Uh huh…"

"Well, his parents are gone, and I have to go…eh, work, and he shouldn't be alone with that DAMN bear. So…" Elizabeth stared, open-mouthed.

"Wait…so you want me, someone you have met all of two times, to babysit Squee, to whom which some of the most horrible and terrifying things, like, ever, happen to?" Johnny shrugged.

"Mmhmm."

"Sure! Uh, I'm gonna bring my Laptop and my tablet though. We can play games or something." Johnny shrugged again and waited patiently while she shoved all of her computer stuff into a bag. She then grabbed the clip on lamp from her desk. "In case we need more light." She explained. When she had gotten everything together, she put a finger to her chin in thought. "Hey Nny, how am I going to get out of my room? My parents are still downstairs and-" She was cut of abruptly when he began pushing her towards the now open again window.

"Same way I got in. I'll go first and help you into the tree, and then we get in my car and go." Elizabeth began stuttering.

"B-but, Nny. I-I-I mean, really, is this a good idea? I'm n-not exactly one for heights."

"Don't worry, if you fall, you won't die, you might have a few broken limbs though…" He went through the window, taking her stuff with him. After disappearing for a minute, he returned to take her through too. She hesitated, squatted on the windowsill. Johnny waited, completely still, on his branch. She finally did a sort of leap, and clutched onto any branches near her. Nny grabbed her arm and pulled her up with him, leading her down the tree and to his car. She was breathing heavily and shaking slightly by the time he was driving off. She clutched her things tightly, trying to calm down. When she had, she remembered something Kiri had told her about her experience. When she had been with Johnny, he had said he was in Brazil. But she was in (Insert Southern State of Choice Here).

"Hey Johnny?"

"Yup?"

"Don't you live in Brazil?"

"Mmhmm."

"Then how are you here?"

"Whenever I need to find you, I end up near where ever you are. I think it's Mr. Satan, because God is way too lazy to do anything." Elizabeth made a face.

"It's not all that comforting to know Senior Diablo is repeatedly leading a Homicidal Maniac to your whereabouts… And Homicidal Wannabes to your friends." Nny glanced at her.

"You know about that?"

"Yeah, Kiri told me as soon as she could. She didn't believe me when I tried to tell her you were real the first time, but after all THAT she sure did. God…Why would Senior Diablo bring someone as horrible as Jimmy back? Just thinking about him makes me want to puke."

Nny nodded, then announced that they had arrived. Elizabeth got out of the car and thanked him for driving her. He sped off quickly, and she walked toward the house. She rang the doorbell and wasn't surprised to hear a quick Squee! and some whispering before the door was opened an inch. Big, round eyes peeked out at her from behind the door. She squatted down to their level.

"Hey Todd. It's me, Elizabeth. Remember me? I was here a few days ago; you let me meet your cute little bear Shmee. J-uh, Mr. Scary Neighbor Man thought it would be better if you weren't staying home alone. He sent me to make sure nothing bad or scary happens while your parents are gone. Can I come in?" Looking a tad relieved, he opened the door all the way and led her inside. "Why don't we go up to your room Todd? I think we'd be comfier up there." He nodded and led her to his room. She picked him up and put him on the bed, sitting down beside him.

"Alright Squee- mind if I call you Squee? That's what Johnny calls you." He shook his head. "Alright then. Well Squee, I have a surprise for you. I brought my laptop, so we can play games and draw and stuff. Doesn't that sound fun?" Finally giving a full smile, he nodded.

"Yep." She smiled too and unloaded her stuff, plugging it into the wall so it would charge while they played. After she had hooked up her tablet, she explained to him how to use it.

"-and the curser moves where ever the pen is over it. If you want to draw, or click something, you just place it on the tablet. Why don't you try drawing something? I heard you like writing stories; maybe you could draw something from one of those." He nodded and took the pen from her hand.

"Like this right?"

"Right." He smiled as he began to draw a familiar image. It was the one of that boy flying, with the goggles on and a serious look on his face. He was actually pretty good. Suddenly, he froze as they both heard some rummaging downstairs.

_Crash! Shuffle shuffle… Bang! Snap!_

Squee, well, squee'd and dove under the covers. Placing her things on the floor, Elizabeth patted his head softly.

"Don't worry Squee. I'll go see what it is. I'll make it go away, and then we can draw some more." He nodded and went deeper when another loud _crash!_ was heard, clutching Shmee tightly. Spotting a bat on the floor, she picked it up and went slowly down the hall, towards the source of the noise. After descending the stairs, she glanced cautiously into the living room. _A robber!_ She thought. _Thank God, I was afraid it'd be some hideous monster or something. I don't know what I would've done if that were the case._ While his back was turned, she snuck up behind him and bashed him hard on the head. However, he didn't fall over as she had hoped. Instead, he turned around, to reveal a knife glinting dangerously in his hand. Elizabeth gasped and backed up a few steps. A sick smile twisted onto his face.

"Well well. What have we here? I didn't know there were any bitches in this house. How about you come with me and we have a little fun eh?" Elizabeth tried to wipe the terror off of her face. Then she heard them. One of them anyway.

_Kill him. Do it now. The only way to save yourself is to kill him. Besides, you do want to protect little Todd upstairs don't you?_

Elizabeth shuddered. But she knew he was right. Johnny had trusted her to protect Todd, hadn't he? She gripped the bat tighter, and a sense of calm determination washed over her.

A sliver of insanity glinted in her eyes.

She spat at the bastard before her.

"Like I would ever do that. You sick, vile piece of shit."

_Yes…that's right. Imagine what he plans to do to you. Do bastards like him deserve to live? And when he was done with you…what would become of little Squee?_

"Shut up you bitch! Get ready to have your insides ripped out! Before that though, maybe I can still have a little fun with you…"

That was it. Elizabeth swung with more force than she thought possible. There was a sickening _crunch_ as part of his skull caved in. Quickly throwing down the bat, she dragged him out to Johnny's house, and laid him against the door. She knew he wasn't dead, but if she did anything else, Nny would be sure to be upset. But deep down inside her, she wanted to bash his skull in again and again. She ran back into Squee's house and shut the door, picking up the bat and taking it upstairs with her. She walked back into Squee's room and laid the bat against the wall. She walked over and shook him gently.

"It's okay Squee. We had a little talk. The man left. He was lost, I directed him back home. We can play some more now. It's alright." He peeked out, Shmee seemingly staring at Elizabeth in contempt and disapproval.

"Are…you sure?" She smiled as she pulled her Laptop back out.

"Yeah I'm sure. Come on. Let's finish that drawing."

For the rest of the night, Elizabeth could feel Shmee staring at her, and hear whispered comments of approval from Eff in the backround. At exactly 12:12 A.M., after Squee was tucked in and asleep, Johnny came to take her home. He walked into the room and looked at Squee sleeping peacefully, before he motioned her to follow him out. After grabbing her re-packed items, she exited and shut the door softly behind her. They walked outside in silence. Instead of heading to the car though, Johnny led her to the man, still slumped in unconsciousness by the door. He just pointed.

"What happened?" Elizabeth lowered her head in silence. "Did he just come and pass out here? What'd you do?" She muttered something unintelligible. Johnny pulled out a knife. "What?"

"A robber. He broke in, and I went downstairs to see what was going on. I brought a bat with me. I tried hitting him, but he just turned around. The he asked if I wanted to go have some "fun" with him after he called me a bitch. Then…Eff started talking to me again. He told me killing him was the only way to save myself and Todd." Her face darkened. "I listened to him. The man insulted me again, suggesting he was going to…to rape me. I hit him again. A lot harder. I think I cracked his skull. I didn't want Squee seeing any blood, so I dragged him over here. I figured you'd want to kill him. I…I couldn't do it." Johnny made an almost feral noise before grabbing the back of her shirt harshly and tossing her into the passenger seat of his car, still gripping his knife in his other hand. He walked around and got in front, starting the vehicle and driving at breakneck speed. Elizabeth just sat, her head still bowed.

Johnny stopped the car, but not at her house. It was a dance club. He got out again, dragging her with him. He pushed her in front of him once they were inside, pointing with his knife at the grisly scene in front of them. She stared, trying not to puke. Everyone had been slaughtered. It was horrible. She almost couldn't believe that one person had done this.

"This is what voices do." He said, watching her. "You listen to them, you end up like me. I don't like myself much. So stop it. Do you want to be like me?" She shook her head, tears in her eyes. "Then ignore them. Don't ever fucking listen. Now come on, let's go."

They drove home, silent tears streaming down Elizabeth's face. She just came in through the back door, as everyone was definitely asleep by now. She watched from her room as Nny drove away. She just fell on her bed, finally letting the sobs escape. She covered her face with her hands.

"What's wrong with me?" She whispered.

_Don't cry my girl…you did excellent work tonight._

"Just shut up." She pleaded.

_You never really knew about the world before tonight. You were put in a bubble, and only now have you gotten out. That's what the world is. Pain. Learn to live with it .Johnny suffered because he wouldn't listen. Things will all be so much easier if you just listen…_

"No. Be quiet…"

_Leave the poor thing alone. Can't you see how worthless she feels? She should just end her life. Keep herself from spiraling farther downward._

"Not Dee too…"

Elizabeth spent the next few days in a state of depression. She was getting even less sleep. She thought she could never sleep again. They were always talking to her. She'd experience random fits of rage. Of sadness. Her parents were considering taking her to the psychiatrist. They had joked about it before, but they were serious now. Then it started.

She could hear it. The growling. Something pushing out against her wall.

She was turning into Johnny.

And there was nothing she could do about it.

**A/U-Something a little more serious. This may actually end up having a plot after all.**


	5. Dinner And More Stupid Angst

Dinner And More Stupid Angst

Elizabeth smiled to herself as she and her friends drove to Johnny Rocket's for dinner. Despite her teenager angsty period, she was doing much better now. She had invited her two friends, Snowdle and Raquel, over to swim. Then, Raquel surprised them by taking everyone out to Johnny Rocket's, where they were headed now. Elizabeth could still hear Eff and Dee, but it turned out the Wall Monster she thought she had was a hallucination from stress. For now anyway… Elizabeth started up a conversation about WoW (World of Warcraft, it's pretty freaking awesome) with Raquel's older brother, Blue.

They all called him Blue, because he was in a guild called The Power Rangers, and he had jokingly asked if he could be the Blue one. So they had all picked up on it, and it was his Nickname. Snowdle was a combination of two last names. A pretty weird one too… as for Raquel? They were trying to teach her to say it right. She tries and tries, but it always comes out Ra-Qwell.

They pulled up, and everyone piled out, thanking Blue for the ride. He said he'd send a friend to pick them up and take them home, before driving off. They entered the building and took a booth.

"Hey Snowdle." Elizabeth said.

"Yeah?"

"Put some pants on!" Raquel gave a short little laugh, as did Elizabeth and Snowdle. It was a joke they had, the shirt she wore always covered up her shorts and therefore, she appeared pantsless! They chatted about nothing in particular, and discussed the annoying yet awesomeness of the Nyan Cat, otherwise known as PopTart Kitty. They quoted a few of their favorite things, like "Quickly Charlie! Grab onto our TOUNGES!" and a JtHM picture that went along with it. Actually, it was mostly Elizabeth doing the quoting…

The bell jangled, and out of habit, Elizabeth spun around to see who it was. When she caught a glimpse, she tried to return to her conversation, but did a double take. A wide smile lit up her face.

"Hey Johnny!" She called, waving. "Come sit with us!" He hesitated, and seemed to contemplate it for a minute, before slowly walking over. She turned back to her friends, happiness evident on her face.

"Hey guys, this is one of my friends, mind if he sits with us?" They both looked a little nervous, but agreed. Johnny sat opposite them, seeing as they were all on the same side. Johnny stared at Elizabeth, and she remembered what had happened the last time she saw him.

"Hey Nny, don't worry about last time, I'm fine now. I just uh…freaked out a little." He relaxed a bit when she had said this. "Oh! Don't want to be rude hmm? Nny, this is Snowdle, and Raquel. You guys, Johnny C." Finally, it seemed to click in Raquel's mind and her eyes widened in recognition.

"Oh my gosh! He looks just like that guy from…that comic! JtHM! He even has the hair and everything!" Raquel bounced around as she spoke, making a few funny faces too. She had a habit of making you laugh just by looking at her, she was always being silly. Elizabeth threw on a pouty face.

"You said my picture of him looked creepy because he was bald. But it looks completely fine NOW doesn't it!" She shrugged sheepishly. (Bald as in the empty space around his…antenna.)

"Yeah…but that picture you drew was…he was…EWWWW!" Elizabeth punched her friend lightly on the arm. Snowdle spoke up next.

"Nice to meet you Johnny." Nny nodded.

"You too…but you can call me Nny." Raquel leaned over towards Elizabeth as Snowdle and Johnny engaged in a conversation about their nicknames and shortenings.

"Hey…" She whispered. "Doesn't he do that in the comic too?"

"Yup!"

"Why is he quoting the comic?"

"He _is_ the comic." Raquel laughed again, thinking she was joking. Elizabeth knew that would be her reaction, but she didn't feel like proving to them he was the real deal. After all, it took Kiri a near death experience with Mmy to believe her. Like she wanted anyone ELSE going through something like that…

They all chatted for a while, and enjoyed their food. Elizabeth wanted Nny to eat something, but she knew if she pressed it, she would be in trouble. He offered to drive them all home, and Raquel called and told her brother. Before leaving though, they all got a picture, even convincing Johnny to scooch next to them for the shot. After He had dropped everyone off, including Elizabeth, he parked his car a few houses away from her home, and went to talk with her, via tree.

Elizabeth sat in her desk chair, slumped over with her eyes closed. She just didn't feel like moving at the moment. She had her headphones in, and was listening to a video called NNY's world is black. She jumped when there was a tap on her shoulder, placing her hand to her chest. She ripped the ear buds out and turned to face Nny.

"Why're you so scared?" He asked with childlike curiosity.

"Cause…one of my friends would do that all year long, randomly come up behind me and tap me, and I could never catch him. I jump when people come up behind me with my noticing too. I guess it's an early form of Paranoia. Why're you here? You need something again?" Johnny walked around her childishly pink room, carefully avoiding the minefield of clutter obscuring the floor. He inspected her wall, the one that if a hole was broken through, would lead outside above the driveway, carefully, and lightly touched it before ripping his hand away.

"Do you ever hear it?" he asked quietly.

"Hear what?" Elizabeth knew that was the wall she thought contained her _own_ monster, but the noises had stopped days ago. It wasn't like there was really anything there. Nny's whipped around.

"You know what! _IT._ Mine is gone, but there's one behind your wall now!" Elizabeth paled a bit, but huffed in impatience.

"Johnny, I admit I thought I was hearing things after my freakout, but it's all gone now. It was just stress." He lifted a skinny leg onto her bed and shook his fist at her in anger.

"Are you calling me a liar! It's _there!_ I can _hear_ it! It's going to start asking for blood, and the next thing you know, everyone around you is fucking _dead._ You start forgetting things and hearing things and you end up like ME. Damn it! Listen to me!" She had turned away during his rant and stared silently at the screen of her laptop. She heard the clicking of his boots as he walked up to her. The knife she had been carrying clattered before her.

"I suggest you hide your weapons better. I also advise you to stop listening to them. Even when you think they're right, they're just fucking with you. The more you listen, the louder they get. The louder _IT_ gets. There was a sharp pain in the back of her head, before her fore head connected with her desk. Before she passed out though, she thought one last thing. _Whatever happened to making Easy Mac and being friends? Should've known…should've known. It spreads remember? The sickness spreads. And you've been around him. You're infected. In the system. Damn it you idiot!Damn damn damn damn damn! Stupid! So stupid!..._

**A/U-This was supposed to be so much longer! SOOO MUUUCH! But I'm dying here! I just can't think right now! ARGH. By the way, anyone mentioned in this is, yes, a real friend of mine. These two here got to be put in a chapter cause I really DID go out to eat with them! Though we weren't dropped off or anything… Thank you, those of you who reviewed. Those of you who didn't, well, you make me go all teen-angsty like the DoughBoys do. So STOP IT AND JUST REVIEW! Damn…this was supposed to be funny. Even my author's note is depressing! ACK. Well, until next time my piggies!**

**Embrace the Madness. It's all we have left.**


	6. Guilt

Guilt

Johnny walked slowly down the street, his hand to his chin in thought.

He felt _bad _about something.

This simple thing puzzled him to no end, he had never been like this before. Sure, he was a little sad when that…Edgar? Yes, Edgar Vargas, something like that, person died. Sure it was him who killed him, and yeah, it was disappointing when it did absolutely NOTHING for him. But he had never felt _guilty_ like he did now. Was he regaining a conscience? Perhaps Nail Bunny would come back soon… What made it even worse though, was he couldn't even remember what was making him feel this way.

It was _extremely_ annoying.

He watched with mild interest as an ambulance pulled up to the Hospital he happened to be walking past. A very…_heavy_ woman quickly exited the van she had been driving in, as well as 3 boys, and what he assumed to be their father. The woman didn't hobble like he expected her to, she actually practically ran. The boys seemed less interested than the parents, who were both now waiting behind a line of paramedics, but worry was still clear on their faces. All this fuss for what looked to be just one person piqued his curiosity, and he moved a bit closer to get a better view. His eyes fixed on the stretcher they brought out, searching for a face. Too many bodies blocked his vision ,though he did catch a gimpse of the clothes she (for it obviously was) wore. Blue Jean glorified shorts (Kapris, as if Johnny would know something like that) and an Orange Yellowish shirt with something about All-American Flowers… He shrugged to himself mentally and continued on his way home.

As Johnny sat in front of his mind-numbing Television, recognition flew at his head and hit him with the force of a nuclear explosion. That girl they had been taking to the Hospital…

It was…ah, what was her name? She hadn't tried to glomp him, he had met (and surprisingly not killed) a few of her friends…she had made him Easy Mac.

Elizabeth. That was it wasn't it? Was this why he was feeling guilty?He remembered now. He had been really angry at her for listening to the Doughboys, and there had been something clawing at her wall. He just knew that_ IT _was there. Hell, the stupid girl had even been carrying a fucking _knife._ In his anger, he knocked her unconscious and was about to take her to his basement for some _education _when he heard _IT _scratching at the wall. In a flash, he had whipped around and chucked his sharpest knife at the noise before he could think. It went through a picture and had completely imbedded itself in the wall. After cringing in fear of the monster that was sure to emerge for a few minutes, he had gone to investigate. Removing the picture and inspecting the large hole, it turned out it had just been a squirrel. When he heard someone stirring a few rooms over, he immediately left, forgetting about his "victim" entirely. They were just now calling in the ambulance though? That had been _yesterday,_ and it was _Midnight_ again. Sighing, Johnny stood and stretched, heading for the door.

:Why Johnny, where are you going? Normally you don't get a Freezie until 1:00 A.M. Meeting that little fan of yours again?: Johnny growled in annoyance at the burger boy. Without turning, he replied.

"Yes, I am. She's in the Hospital because…I was…wrong about something…"

:You were wrong? About what, might I ask?: But this time he just ignored him completely, and left without a word.

Once Johnny had found his way back to the Hospital, he contemplated his choices. Go in and ask to see her…which would be awkward and give the wrong impression, knowing people here. Not to mention he'd probably end up killing everyone…Or climb through the window and make her shit herself, possibly worsen whatever was wrong with her too. He entered the off-white building and asked for her room number. When the nurse asked why, he explained he wanted to visit her tomorrow during the day. Being the stupid ass she was, she gave it to him. As he walked out, he regarded her with disdain._ Idiot. For all she knows I'm a rapist…or a killer._ He smiled slightly as he thought this, and began searching around for her room. Lucky for him, she was on the ground floor. When he finally found it, he nearly face palmed. Room 777. Of course. He gently pried the window open, it was easy seeing as it wasn't locked. Stepping into the darkness, he walked to the door and flicked on the lights.

Elizabeth opened her eyes what seemed like minutes later. She was fairly confused though, and a sense of panic washed over her when she didn't recognize her surroundings. She freaked out even more when she saw a tall dark figure hovering around the door. She quickly scooched as far away as possible. When he eyes adjusted a few moments later though, they widened in surprise.

"Johnny?" He stepped forward slowly, a blank expression on his face. "Where…where am I?"

"Hospital." He said simply.

"Why?" He shrugged. "Well…why are you here?" He rubbed his boots against each other nervously.

"I…I was feeling bad about something all day. I couldn't figure out why, or for what reason. Earlier I saw your family bringing you here in an ambulance. I didn't recognize you until a little while ago. I'm pretty sure it's my fault you're in here." He scratched the back of his head. "I apologize. You were right. Turns out _"IT"_ was just a squirrel." She stared a bit before smiling and shaking her head.

"Don't worry. It was pretty fun being unconscious. And I think I caught up on some sleep." She sank contentedly back into her sheets. "Thanks for coming Johnny." She yawned. "Means a lot…" Johnny nodded. Right before she fell asleep, she mumbled something else.

"You're a great friend Nny…I luvz ya buddeh…"

Johnny didn't move an inch. He stayed that way, frozen, for what must have been hours. When he finally thawed out and moved again, he was on auto pilot. He walked robotically back to his house, and when he got there, to rid his mind of Meat's preaching, he went and left him in the basement. He returned to the living room and plopped on the couch. He stared, unblinking, as his brain finally processed what the little girl had said.

"You idiot. Now I'll probably end up killing you _sooner._"

**Once again, pretty short, but if I continued from here, it'd be weird. Btw, not a romance. That'd just be WRONG on SO many levels. It was a friendly "I luvs ya," nothing more. Anyone who starts asking stupid questions like "When are they gonna kiss? When are they gonna have sex?" will be blocked from reading this story. I don't know if you can do that, but even so, I will FIND OUT HOW. Hope you enjoyed it, and she (I) was in the Hospital because she hadn't slept for a while, therefore, she wouldn't wake up. Review my Piggies!**

**Embrace the Madness. It's all we have left.**

**Oh, and Z?**


	7. Alive and Moving Along

**What's this? A note at the top? Yeah, if anyone has been reading the reviews besides me, they noticed that anonymous reviewer Shiney444 seemed particularly interested in Raquel…and mentioned two other characters; ones you have never met or even heard of. Well folks, That was Raquel in the cyber flesh. As a little surprise for her, this will contain a mini chapter somewhere, where Raquel gets the guy of her dreams, Duckman. It's her codename for the guys she likes. ;) Hope you don't mind me telling them that buddeh… And Chickman tries to stop them. But you won't ever know when it's coming… And I meant to say this last time, yes my mom is sorta big, but don't be mean about it! Okay! ? I lurves mah Mommeh! OKAY! LET'S READ!**

Alive and Moving Along

Elizabeth gasped for breath as she finally lowered her horn for the last time that night. She was at band practice, and they had just gone all the way through Set FUN, for the second time in a row. It was a Full-Out Run-Through of six songs, and after having already practiced for around two hours, it was very exhausting. She listened, a bit impatiently, as the Drum Major listed off what groups had what.

"…group two has numbers, group three and visuals have Front Ensemble! Alright everyone! We'll see you again on Monday! Learn your music! Know it for our first game on Friday! Fall out!"

Elizabeth smiled inwardly. _Yesss…I don't have anything to bring back in. Woot. _She walked slowly from the back field towards the compound.After packing all of her things, and grabbing her bags, she headed out. Her ride was waiting for her, but she saw a familiar figure leaning against the wall further away. She ran to Snowdle and her Mom to explain that her own Mom was picking her up instead, because it turned out they had somewhere to go. They agreed, if a bit hesitantly, and finally drove off. She then ran quickly over to Johnny, who stood looking around curiously.

"Hey Nny!" She exclaimed merrily. His sharp gaze shot towards her, but he relaxed when he recognized her.

"Hello Elizabeth. So… where am I?" She looked at him strangely for a moment before remembering that someone was getting him, and her friends, lost in order for them to meet up.

"You're in (Insert Previous Southern State Of Choice You Chose Last Time You Saw This), at Kaylin High School. (doesn't really exist folks.) I just finished practicing for marching band. It's soooo exhausting. Hey, could you give me a ride home? I sorta ditched my other ride when I saw you…heh…" Johnny shrugged.

"Eh, sure. I don't know how long it'll take me to get back. All the other times I came I actually knew about it." She smiled and did a small fist pump, before she walked with him towards the car. Before they could reach it though, they were stopped by her friend, Mark. (I would like to use his real name, but I have sworn not to do so…huh…)

"Hey Elizabeth! Who's your friend?" She spun around, a small smile on her face.

"Oh hey Mark! This is Johnny C. He was giving me a ride home." Mark grinned and held out his hand. Nny looked at it for a second, before accepting it after a glare from Elizabeth. It wasn't intimidating in the least, he just felt like indulging her for a moment. Though of course, she would never know that.

"It's nice to meet you Johnny." He said. He seemed energetic and happy. "I'm Mark M. Well, I have to get going, I need to start on my homework! Bye! See you tomorrow Elizabeth!" The tall, light brown haired boy ran off towards some friends. Elizabeth turned and began walking to the trunk. Before she opened it though, a thought occurred to her.

"Hey Nny…is there anything… 'Occupying' this space? Or can I put my horn in here?" Johnny tapped his chin in thought.

"I don't _think_ so. Smell anything?" She shook her head. "Then it should be safe." She pulled the trunk open and was relieved to see nothing but a few bloodstains. And… a mace ball. Placing her things inside, she closed it and was about to get into the passenger seat when she was stopped, _again. _

"Hey! Purple Shoes!" She turned around to face one of her fellow Mellophone (Marching French Horn) players, Ray. (Once again, the urge to use his real name is practically OVERWHELMING!) He was a bit, okay, a BIG joker, and always made everyone smile. Unfortunately, most of his jokes were a little perverted, and included him calling people who he pretended to be offended by being called a whore.

He was a pretty nice guy.

"Yeah?" She asked, pausing. This was strange, he only ever talked to her on the field.

"You're number five right?" She nodded. "Dropped your chart."

"Oh! Thanks. Well, see ya later." He walked away waving, then did a cartwheel.

He was pretty random like that. Elizabeth got into the car, _finally, _and rode in a comfortable silence with Johnny. It wasn't so comfortable for him, considering he actually had to abide by traffic laws here. He eventually spoke though, after she had given him another set of directions.

"So, do you happen to have any Easy Mac at your house?" She grinned.

"Sure do! If we're lucky, we can cook some before my Mom gets back. I think she's picking up my little brother from football practice."

"You have a little brother? All the boys I saw dropping you off at the Hospital looked like they were at the very least in their late teens." She sighed.

"Yeah, he's taller than me. They say he's most likely going to be Six feet and Two inches, and possibly more. It's so unfair! I want him to shrink." Johnny smiled, amused as he pulled to a stop the corner away from her house. Once they had actually walked there on foot, she glanced at the Driveway.

"Hey!" She exclaimed. "They're not here! We can have that Easy Mac! Yes!" She sprinted away from Johnny, all of her things banging against her as she rushed inside and plopped them in a corner, created by the couch and a small end table. She then dashed to the kitchen, and began preparing their Mac. Johnny approached the house at a more leisurely pace. By the time he walked in the door, she had already prepared 1 bowl, and was finishing the other. She put them both in the microwave, and set the time. She slid in her socks across the hardwood, doing a few spins. At the end of her little dance, she did one last sloppy spin and pulled out a chair for him. "Here you are, good sir!" He sat down and watched as she continued to messily dance around the kitchen.

"Someone is happy."

"Yeah, I think I'm BiPolar or something. I have like, mood swings and shit. I can be hyper one minute, and a lot like you the next. But I don't think that's it this time! The Dough Boy's haven't said a word for days. Without their nagging bringing me down, I feel a lot better!" Johnny nodded, to show he understood. But Johnny didn't really understand. Even after the Doughboys were gone, and he was away for a while, he felt sad. And of course, when he came back, that damned burger boy was there to fucking replace them. He looked at the bowl of gooey cheezy goodness that Elizabeth had just placed in front of him, thrust from his angry thoughts into her hyper life.

"Eat up!" She chirped, before digging into her own bowl. She smiled and 'Mmmm'ed', kicking her feet while she ate. Johnny lifted his own food to his mouth and chewed silently. Suddenly, about halfway through, Elizabeth shot up and ran upstairs. He stared after her, before returning to his bowl. (LOL. I **DID **put bowel that time!) When she came back down, she placed something in front of him. He stared at the black and white striped book in curiosity while she beamed at him.

"What is it?" He asked. Her smile grew, if that was even possible. Her thick black rimmed glasses inched up too, showing off her different coloured eyes. (I just realized, you people don't know what ANYONE looks like, except for Nny and Squee. So be ready for character descriptions!)

"It's a storybook! It's were I write my stories or story ides when I don't feel like typing or a computer isn't available. There's only one in there so far but…." She paused to giggle a bit before continuing, her smile huge. "Just read it please. It's Hilarious." Johnny consented and opened the book, he stared at the messy writing and blue lines, and began to read.

Raquel looked around, bored. There was nothing to do. Walking over to her phone, she pulled up the picture of herself and Turtle. She sighed contentedly. Turtle, DuckMan, Janitor, Yellow Shirt, it was all the same person. Her crush, her stalkee. She even wrote funny little stories about the alleged "DuckMan," an awesome crime-fighting super half-duck, half-man.

He looked like a giant duck with a cape.

He would face off against his arch nemesis, ChickMan! ChickMan hated DuckMan because when they were in High School, he got ALL THE GIRLS! And, he would ruin ChickMan's life! Of course, ChickMan was evil, but this was never factored into his self pity. Raquel sighed and put her phone down. She went to stand in front of a mirror, and looked herself over.

Short brown, ever-so-slightly poofy hair that collected around her neck, bangs barely touching her eyebrows. Pale skin, and extremely light freckles. A long jacket, Nirvana T-shirt and Jeans…She smiled, striking a silly "Diva" pose as she said aloud-

"I'm gorgeous! DuckMan must love me! Ah!" Suddenly she was lifted into the air by…something. She started screaming, but it wasn't very high-pitched…it was almost, like, monotone…

"Ahhhhhhh! Where'd my ceiling go! What's going on!" She craned her neck upwards to look at her kidnapper. She gasped.

"ChickMan!" ChickMan cackled.

"Ah Lazer Bunny, so you do remember me! Seeing as you were transformed into a human like that, I would've thought you'd forgotten! But look at that! You're yourself again now too." Raquel looked down at herself, only to find she was a Bunny! She remembered the mini-comic Elizabeth had drawn for her, where she was DuckMan's beautiful sidekick, a lazer Bunny! And ChickMan had an evil fire-breathing Rabbit that could turn into a packman like thing. She had thought that was cool, but Elizabeth said because she had Lazers, which were amazing, She obviously outmatched it.

"What do they have?" She had said. "Smoke machines? Ha! Like that will do them any good! Go Lazers!" She looked back up at ChickMan, and followed her own, quite Hilarious, instincts.

"DuckMaaaaannnnn!" As she screamed his wonderful name, there was a bright flash and both She and ChickMan fell to the ground. Raquel-I mean, Lazer Bunny looked up to see none other than the Amazing, the Wonderful, the Epic, the Handsome, the Admirable, the Elegant, the Strong, the Magnanimous, the Pulchritudinous, the Robust, the Astonishing, the Incredible, the Marvelous, the Prodigious, the Unbelievable, the Wonderful, the Über, the Other-Worldly, the Accomplished, the Distinctive, the Exemplary, the Great, the Incomparable, the Magnificent, the Meritorious, the Notable, the Skillful, the Superb, the Supreme, the Transcendent, the Exceptional, the Extraordinary, the Unique, the BEAUTIFUL, DuckMan. She squealed with joy.

"Stand back, lovely Lazer Bunny! How dare you ChickMan, try to hurt the lovely Lazer Bunny! Lazer Bunny watched in stunned amazement. DuckMan leaped towards ChickMan. He punched him hard, and ChickMan was sent flying into a tree. DuckMan began to repeatedly BEAT THE LIVING KRAP out of ChickMan. He held his bruised form down and turned to Lazer Bunny.

"Quickly! Shoot him!" Lazer Bunny shot forward and incinerated him with her AMAZING Lazer eyes. Once the EVIL ChickMan had been disintegrated, DuckMan ran up and hugged her.

"You're amazing!" Smiling, the scene faded from…somebody's…view…

Raquel woke up in her bed with a start. Smiling still, she went back to sleep.

Johnny shook his head as he placed his last bite of Mac in his mouth. He chewed slowly, and swallowed, looking at the spazzy girl next to him.

"I think there's something wrong with you and your friends. Who even THINKS of stuff like that?" Elizabeth's smile turned slightly wicked as she shot back-

"Who even THINKS of stuff like Happy Noodle Boy?"

"The insane."

"Yes, but we both knew that."

"What?"

"Exactly." Nny shook his head again. He picked up his bowl and placed it on her kitchen counter.

"Will someone be home soon?" He asked.

"Most likely, I actually don't know why they're not home yet…" Nny just shrugged. "Come on up to my room Johnny, we can sit and talk." He consented and followed her slowly up the stairs. She sat on her bed, and Johnny occupied the chair in front of her desk. He felt very out of place in this room. The walls were pink with a white picket fence and vines and fairies everywhere.

"I've been wondering…" he began. "Why is your room so…pink?" She shrugged as she rifled through a sketchbook lying nearby.

"My mom painted it when I was little. Never had the heart to change it. Or maybe it was just laziness…"

"You seem to have an issue with that."

"You're right. I do. By the way Johnny…I think that Chihuahua is following me…I keep on seeing those big bug eyes…" She shivered. "Fear the Chihuahua…" Johnny's eye twitched as he remembered that DAMN dog that tried to follow him home.

"It knew…" He murmured quietly. He suddenly shot up, one fist clenched and in the air. "IT KNEEEEWWW!" Elizabeth was taken aback by his outburst. She hadn't seen all that much of his insane side, and was afraid to see much more. Johnny looked at her sharply.

"Anyway…I gotta go. Some bitch-ass fucker called me a 'Skinny fucking Dickhead' and he needs to learn a lesson. Maybe whatever brought me here will take me back now…" Without another word, or a chance to say goodbye, He opened her window and leaped through it, onto the nearest tree, and down to the ground. He sprinted around the corner just as her family's Van came into view. Not letting his sudden departure dampen her mood, she sat at her computer and began to type away, while she listened to her music. The next time she looked to check the time, it was 9 o' clock. She ran and turned off her bedroom lights, so her parents would think she was asleep. She continued typing until her stream of ideas faltered, and finally stopped flowing. She sighed. Only 4 pages. This sucked. She pulled out her composition book, the one Johnny had read, and began writing again. She would make this one an Invader Zim…about a girl moving there, slight possibility of romance… But what was her name. She stuck out her tongue and tapped her chin with her pencil in thought. _What would her name be?_

_May I suggest something? Or am I forbidden to be helpful? _Elizabeth scowled. He was back. But…she needed ideas.

"Sure Eff, give me something to work with here. I'm drawing a blank."

_You wanted a name?_

"Yeah."

_Try Taylor._

"Taylor…hmm…that actually sounds pretty good. Yeah, I'll use that. Why Taylor though?" Eff chuckled.

_One of Johnny's lesser voices, the one floating in the Jar, was named that._

"Really? A normal name for a voice? That's strange."

_Well, that thing was strange. The only thing it ever said was when it told Nny about that Diarrhea commercial, and before that when he said his name. The stupid thing had absolutely no purpose._

"That information could play into my character's personality…thanks Eff. Hey, did you know I have a page of a bunch of different versions of you on it?" She spouted the last part without really meaning to. She was fairly sure he would kill her for it.

_What?_

"Yeah…uh..I've got you as an anime person, a slightly Jhonen stlye Teen, a Chibi, that shadow pic of you, and there's as winky face and a Z? and a piece of toast drawn on it. Cause that time you talked about toast…"

_Can I see it? I want to know how badly I was butchered._

"Sure…" Elizabeth grabbed her sketchbook from a pile of junk on the floor and flipped it open. "I'm assuming because I can see it, you can see it."

…_I'm human in these pictures? Why?_

"Why? Because…well, you always wanted to be truly alive right? So you're human. You look fucking awesome as a Human. I bet there's some other way you could be human too. Instead of trying to make me kill people and shit. So…what you don't like it?" Elizabeth never got a response. She waited and waited, and eventually went back to her writing. But it still lingered in her mind. _He didn't even try to annoy me or goad me into killing…Is Eff okay?_ She knew Johnny would want to rip her apart for even thinking about feeling sorry for the Doughboys, but she couldn't help it. Poor Dee was so sad he didn't even want to live, and Eff wished for life so badly he was willing to sacrifice others, so perhaps, he could really feel and move, without the help of the imagination or the power of others. She didn't know how anyone could stand that. Never really feeling or being able to sense anything. You had one goal, one goal that was unlikely to ever be accomplished. She felt more sympathy for Eff than Dee.

Dee wasn't aware enough to see the joy in life, something Eff longed for. A horrible thought happened upon her then. _Can they dream…?_ It was so sad. It wasn't even fair. They were being manipulated, and it was wrong. She sighed.

"I'm sorry Eff, I'm sorry Dee. I think Iknow why you are the way you are now…I'm sorry." Depressed, she fell into her bed and let sleep take her willingly for the first time in a while.

She wanted to dream.

Mr. Fuck watched as the girl's dreams flourished before him. They were beautiful, and this was as close as he would ever get to experiencing dreams of his own. After their conversation, Eff had retreated to back of her mind. He knew what she was thinking though, and he looked down at his hazy Styrofoam hands in confusion.

"Sorry..?" He whispered. "You understand?" He shook his head. "Why are you so different from Johnny? The same…but not the same. We chose someone we thought would be an easy task-like Johnny. But you…you…understand. You're sympathetic? Why…why would she be that way?" He continued watching her imagination run rampant through her mind. The last song she had been listening to floated through, the notes drifting in and out, between the words.

…_When all ya got keep it strong, move along move along…_

He watched a wonderful world unfold before his imaginary eyes.

_Move along move along like I know ya to._

How?

_And even when all your hope is gone, move along move along just to make it through._

He listened, and for the first time, he felt something unique to us as human beings.

_You move along…_

He felt compassion towards the girl. He understood another meaning in those words.

_You move along…_

He felt happy.

_Write back what is wrong, we move along._

And then, he opened his eyes.

_Write back what is wrong, we move along._

And Eff…

_Write back what is wrong, we move along…_

Was alive.

**A humor chapter turned into a serious plot development… This is exciting! Well, I hope you enjoyed, I thank you for the Lovely reviews, and let us all hope Raquel and DuckMan end up together!**

**Embrace the Madness. It's all we have left.**

**P.S.- Eight Pages!**


	8. Toasty Toast

Toasty Toast

Eff couldn't believe it. He could feel a floor beneath him. Air around him. He sucked the oxygen into his new lungs, and a smile lit his face.

He was really alive.

He stood shakily, still getting used to his body. He did just get it after all. As soon as he could stand, he took in his appearance by walking to the mirror on Elizabeth's door. He wore the same clothes, hat and all, but he was _human. _Mr. Eff hadn't stopped smiling yet. He quickly stumbled over to Elizabeth, and was about to wake her when he thought of something. _What if she thinks I'm hideous? _ Eff shook his head. If the girl thought he was a monster, fine, that's what he'd been before, hadn't he? He placed his hands on her shoulders, delighting in the feeling of contact with another person, someone alive. He began shaking her shoulders. She made a low moaning noise and began rubbing her eyes. Even after they were open though, she had to blink a few times to clear them of the haze that seemed to order her back to sleep. When she could finally see, she just stared. Eff smiled widely at her shock. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Am I awake?" In response, he pinched her, having heard that it told someone if they were awake or not. She looked at him again. "…Mr. Eff?" He nodded.

"You understood." He said. "So I'm real."

Elizabeth, still in her "understanding" mood from before, suddenly felt a surge of joy for the once Styrofoam figure before her. She jumped up happily.

"Oh Eff!" She said. "I'm so happy for you!" Then she did something that surprised both of them. She leaped over and gave him a great, big, loving hug. "You get to be human, and I didn't have to kill anybody! This is great! Aren't you happy!" He mumbled a "yes," still unsure as to how he would handle having this girl clinging to him. He didn't know why, but there was a heat rising in his cheeks. Elizabeth stepped back, blushing herself when she saw the red on his face.

"So…" Eff began. "What…what am I supposed to do now?" She put a finger to her chin in thought.

"Well, you need somewhere to stay, I guess I could hide you here or something…and you'll probably have to eat and stuff now, because you're human. I don't know what to do about your face though." Mr. Eff scowled at this statement.

"Well what's wrong with my face?"

"Well…it's still all…doughboy-ish. You still have the streaks and the arrows around your eyes and you have no pupils…and you're REALLY pale. Oh! I know! We can pretend your skin is super sensitive to light, your eyes too, so you have to wear special contacts that make them look pupil-less, and the streaks are…I dunno, birthmarks? Maybe we'll get lucky and people here have gotten stupid or something." (EPIC FORESHADOWING) Eff shrugged in agreement. He liked the way his face looked…at least she didn't want to change anything about it. "But there's still the problem of any fans seeing you…I think you and Nail Bunny have the most fans, besides Johnny and Squee of course, so if we meet any of THEM we'll say it's cosplay."

"Alright." Eff said stiffly. Elizabeth smiled suddenly. Hey Eff, you want some toast?" His eyes widened.

"R-really? I can have toast?" He may not have known it, but on his face was the puppy-dog look of the century. She smiled even wider, amused and thinking how cute and Squee-like he looked. "Of course Eff! I'd be a total ass if I said you could have toast and then not give it to you! Come on!" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him through the piles of crap on her floor, and she quietly opened the door. The sneaked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Elizabeth sat him at the table and started making him toast. She hummed _Move Along _as she worked, not even knowing the significance of the song to Eff. After a few minutes, there were four pieces of toast in front of Eff, buttered and ready to be eaten. She herself had two, but thought he might like more. Eff picked up the toast in a daze, amazed by even the use of fingers, seeing as he had never had them before. He bit into the crunchy bread and a smile lit up his face, almost making him look like something out of a horror movie. He rushed through his breakfast, and actually laid his hands on his tummy in happy fullness. Elizabeth couldn't resist. The night before, she had found a comic of someone poking Eff and him going "TEE HE- FFFFFUUUUCCCKKKK!" She wanted to see if he would really do it. He may have been human now, but…

Elizabeth leaned over and poked his belly. His eyes shot open and before he could stop himself-

"TEE HEE!" He slapped a hand to his mouth and gave her a glare that rivaled that of Chuck Norris…and we ALL know how hard it is to do THAT. Uncovering his mouth, he continued to glare at her while she giggled quietly into her hands.

"What the FUCK was THAT! ?" She continued giggling and sucked in a few breaths so she could answer.

"Ha! Well- you were a Pillsbury Doughboy! And whenever you poked his belly he would do that…" She broke into another fit of giggles. "…and so, I wanted to see if you would do it, and you did!" She was full out laughing now, and she couldn't control herself. She actually fell out of her chair and was on the floor. "Oh my God it really worked! Ha! That is so great!" Eff continued glaring at her, and when she caught his gaze she squealed. "Ah! Oh My God it burns! You're fucking scary when you do that! Stop it!" He smirked.

"Then stop laughing."

"I stopped I stopped!" Eff slowly got his face back to that of apathy. Elizabeth peeked between her fingers to see him still staring at her, but not with as much venom as before. She slowly picked herself up off the floor. "Heh…yeah sorry…anyway, let's go back up to my room." Mr. Eff nodded.

"Sure."

Johnny cursed under his breath.

"Fuck." He muttered. He had left his sharpest knife in Elizabeth's room. She had probably left it in her wall too. "I still killed that guy…but barely. The stupid fuck had a pipe. Well, at least there was that SPORK there on the floor. Can't believe he actually almost hit me that one time though…" Johnny climbed steadily up the tree that he had always used to get to Elizabeth's room. "Damn bastard." He opened her window and climbed in, not even bothering to announce himself. No one was in here anyway. He walked over to the picture, and ripped his knife out of the wall.

"I need to carry more the just one with me…" He mused. "I seem to keep leaving them places lately." He looked up as someone entered the room. It was Elizabeth.

"-see, I told you toast was good and-" Her words caught in her throat as she spotted Johnny. "Oh hey Johnny! What're you doing back tonight?" She stood blocking the door, and a nervous smile was on her face. Nny walked to her carefully.

"Well, I realized I left my knife here, and I was needing it you see. Who was that you were talking to?" A look of panic crossed her face.

"Ah, ah, no one…I talk to myself sometimes, did I not tell you that? Yeah…well, I was gonna go to sleep, so I guess I'll see you later…" He ignored her as he forced open the door. It was fairly easy, he was much stronger than her. "No! N-no Johnny don't-!" Her warnings were lost on him as he finally laid his eyes upon what she had been trying so desperately to hide. His face twisted into anger when he recognized the frightened thing before him. His pupils narrowed to pointed triangles, showing further his rage. He whipped around, and in seconds the girl was on the floor, his knife pressed roughly into her neck.

"How could you! ?" He spat. "How many people have you killed! I told you you brat! I told you not to listen to them! I told you you'd end up like me!" He pressed the blade further, blood gurgling around her and pooling on the floor. He felt someone pulling on his arm, trying to make him release her. Nny spun around quickly, the cool steel now hovering over Eff's throat as he was pressed against the door, now closed. "And you! What are you doing alive you little fucker! You disappeared! You were _gone. _So you found someone else to torment! ? Why are you _here _all the sudden! Why can I feel your disgusting human flesh writhe beneath my hands! ?" Eff didn't struggle, but merely smiled.

"Oh Johnny my boy, you're getting angry for no reason. The girl didn't kill anyone. She hadn't been broken yet. In fact, she felt _sympathy _for me. She _understood_ what I wanted. It was that understanding that brought me here. Do you see D-boy with us? No. She didn't understand him. She didn't understand his want for death. But she understood my want for life." Johnny pressed his blade closer.

"Don't you fuck with my head Eff. What. Did. You. Make. Her. Do." Johnny heard something behind him. His head shot back to look.

"He's not lying Johnny!" Elizabeth gurgled, sitting up weakly and trying to keep fom choking on the blood. "I felt bad for him. We see them as annoying…" She paused to hack up some blood. "But Eff was using the only means he knew of to become human. _He _didn't go on rampages as soon as he was human. Hell, he could've easily killed me at least six or seven times by now. He also didn't have to try to pull you off me." Coughing. More Blood. "Eff didn't mean to screw up your sucky life even more Nny…he was just trying to figure out how to get one of his own." Surprisingly, Johnny lowered the knife, but he still held Eff against the wall.

"How do I know you're not lying?" He asked. Johnny sounded genuinely confused, like a lost kid, begging for their mother.

"What could I possible gain from that? Yeah, okay, the obvious answer is not dying, but then I think I would just be telling you to kill Eff instead of me."

"Hey!" Eff shouted.

"Anyway…Eff isn't all that bad. Besides, Nail Bunny was right. They used to be a part of you, but then the wall monster took control of them. They were working for that. Eff was doing his best to defy it, actually…But they don't have that anymore. I, I guess they were a part of me."

"Why would my figments be a part of you?" Elizabeth smiled sheepishly.

"I'm one Hell of an obsessive…" Johnny finally dropped Eff. As he plopped on the floor, he rubbed his now sore butt. Nny walked over to Elizabeth.

"You're not lying?" She shook her head.

"Course not…can't lie to your favorites…or your friends…" She then passed out from blood loss. Johnny rose, and stepping over Eff, he ran to the kitchen to grab her box of medical supplies. He _may _have been borrowing some from time to time…

While Johnny ran downstairs to do…something, Eff walked over to Elizabeth. He scowled.

"Stupid girl, she did it again. Keeps on understanding things like this and she'll know everything." Eff grabbed a Black T-shirt that happened to be laying near-by and began applying pressure to her neck. "If I didn't owe her…if she wasn't so fucking kind…" Eff grumbled and mumbled to himself about all the "if's" that would have had him being his usual self. Of course, if she was dying and he was still Styrofoam, he'd be freaking out-but not trying to do anything. He was still freaking out, but felt he wouldn't be if she hadn't been the one to make him human. "Damn girl…" Johnny re-appeared then, and quickly bandaged her up. He continued putting pressure in place of Eff, who just watched, amazed at what this girl had done to his boy. _Damn near has him sane again…actually helping someone instead of killing… _When Johnny decided she was okay, he placed her on the bed. He then turned to Eff.

"If you really aren't gonna try and manipulate me anymore, then I won't hurt you. But if you start using her, or me, you'll die." He then just left. Eff cleaned up all the blood on the floor, and finally collapsed in sleep next to her on the bed, having made sure there was a wall of pillows and mess between them first.

The next morning, when Elizabeth woke up, there was a light throbbing in her neck.

"Oh Damn…" she muttered, recalling the events of the past night. She looked around, saw that there were only a few blood stains on her floor, and that Eff was laying on the other side of the bed. She stared at him for a while. _Lol…he looks a lot like my drawing of him…but more, realistic I guess. No…wait…he looks more…comic like. Like Jhonen was the one who drew him, not me…_ She got up slowly out of bed. Walking to her closet, she found a (apparently hideous, according to her parents) white poncho that she enjoyed wearing when she was cold. It was still practically summer, but she couldn't let them see the cut on her neck. Besides, it wasn't as if she hadn't done this before. She forgot to glance in the mirror before she went down, otherwise she may have noticed her own reflection being…off. She walked down the stairs, worried now. Her house was filthy all of the sudden, and had thick lines… She walked into the den, where her mom was on the computer.

"Hey Mom?" Her mother looked up over the screen, and she had to keep from screaming. She resembled her mom in a lot of ways…but she had been Vasquez-a-fied.

"What?" She sounded uncaring, as though she could tell her she was going to run nude across the neighborhood and she'd say "have fun with that." She decided to test this by asking a question her Mother would never say yes to without the whole house being spotless.

"Can I invite one of my Guy-Friends over?" Her mom turned back to the screen.

"Sure, whatever. Just don't be too loud." Elizabeth stood open mouthed.

"Well fuck me sideways." She quickly covered her mouth, she would normally eat soap for a _month _for saying that. But her mom didn't even privilege her with a reaction. She ran up the stairs, now cursing freely. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! EFF!" She burst into her room calling his name. Surprised, he flailed about and fell onto the floor. It was actually a pretty comical sight. He jumped up angrily, and replaced his hat on his head. "What! ? What do you want! ?" She screamed her next words.

"Ah! My Mom turned into a fat, lazy, uncaring bitch! What do I do! ?" Eff rubbed his head.

"From what I know about how you think about her sometimes, she was already a fat, lazy, uncaring bitch. What's different?" Elizabeth waved her hands about frantically.

"Everything is JHONEN style!"

"What?" She sighed, and had the urge to face palm.

"It looks like the comic. Yeah, you and Johnny and Squee already did…but now EVERYTHING looks like the comic." Eff looked around.

"Looks the same to me." A thought occurred to her then. Perhaps…they didn't notice because they were from the comic? Another thought came up and smacked her in the face. She ran to the mirror. Then, for the second time in her life, she gave a fan-girl worthy shriek.

"Whoa! I look fucking awesome as a Jhonen-ite! Whooo!" She felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to face Eff.

"Well, since you seem fine again, can we have some toast?" She smiled.

"Sure buddy. You can make it this time; I'll make myself some easy mac. And, it turns out I won't have to hide you after all. My parents don't care about anything anymore! This is gonna be great…" She and Eff walked calmly down the stairs, Elizabeth's moment of Hyperness over. As they prepared their meals, her older Brother, Chance, walked in. Without a shirt. As usual.

"Hey Kid!" He said, lightly punching her on the arm. "Who's your emo friend?" Elizabeth had hoped after the "Hey Kid!" that he'd be normal. But he'd never call one of her friends emo to her face, especially not when the friend was in the room.

"He's not emo; it's this weird skin condition thing he has…and a birthmark around his eyes. And…he's getting ready for a cosplay…you know what? Just fuck off." Chance shrugged, grabbed a piece of leftover pizza, a shirt, and headed out to his crappier than Johnny's car.

"Bye Mom!" He yelled as he walked out. Elizabeth responded instead, once again testing if no one really cared.

"Yeah, bye you ass!" He actually flipped her off with a smile before driving away. She knew it was the "Yeah yeah" flip off, and not really meant for you to take offense at, but she sure was surprised. "Things sure are going to be different around here…" She murmured quietly. She looked over at her kitchen table and smiled. Eff was hungrily crunching away at his second piece of toast. "Yeah." She said again. "A lot different." He looked up at her then, a quizzical expression on his face.

"What?" When he spoke, bread crumbs flew out of his mouth, a few joining the ones on his face. It was gross, but induced laughter all the same.

"Hah hah hah! Your…your face! LOL! Ah hah…!" And so Elizabeth began her first day in her new world.

Because laughter is one of the best ways to live.

**Aww…Now listen up, this is not going to turn into a romance between Elizabeth and Eff. (Aww! EaEr!) In my mind? Perhaps. On FanFiction? No way. Mostly a rough friendship, that's the whole story. Funny little chapters about friendship, near death experiences, Easy Mac, and of course, Johnny. I hope you enjoy the Madness my friends! For one day, it may be all we have left… ;)**


	9. Seven Hours in Hell

Seven Hours in Hell

Elizabeth sighed. She was off to school, damn the accursed thing. But she smiled next. After laugh attack with Eff, she realized it was Friday. So much had happened, it felt like it was days ago, when it was really just a few hours. At least she got to take Eff with her! And she figured she wouldn't even have to get him registered or anything, now that she was in the world of Jhonen! Her Dad pulled up to the curb in the drop section in the front of the school.

"Have fun and learn crap." He said boredly.

"I will Dad! Thanks! Come on Eff, You can just follow me around to my classes."

"Whatever. I don't see why I have to go."

"So that I won't come home to find us toastless at the end of the day. Now suck it up. Come on, we have to go to the lunchroom before the bell rings." Elizabeth went through the halls and noticed some mean looks. She guessed it was Jhonen's doing, all the people he made seemed to be jerks, except for a few. As soon as she walked into the lunchroom her ears were met with loud cursing, gossiping, and the occasional moo and goat bleat. Then something tackled her.

"Elizabeth!" The thing screamed, sounding a lot like…Vegeta?

"Kiri? What is it?"

"We look like JtHM! And nobody else knows what I'm talking about, and they all turned into goth and emo BITCHES!" Elizabeth pushed Kiri off her and stood up.

"Well, I knew about us going Vasquez, but I guess they would turn into bitches too, wouldn't they…Me and Eff have been getting a lot of dirty looks." Kiri shot up, though she was no longer hyper.

"What? Eff is with you? Well, where is the little Styrofoam bastard. I want to see him in person." A certain little "Styrofoam bastard" spoke up then.

"Behind you. And I'm not Styrofoam anymore, thanks though." Kiri whirled around and gasped. Then she did one of her "things." She lifted her hands in the air, about even with her face, her fingers in that clenched position, stiff, but not straight or balled into a fist. Her eyes widened, and she took on her Vegeta voice.

"What the FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKK!" Elizabeth punched her lightly.

"Hey! Shuddap! And, yes, he's human now, no, I did not kill anybody, and we're not exactly sure as to how it happened, but he's gonna follow me around to all my classes." Kiri simply stared. Eff just sort of grumbled to himself in the imaginary sad/grumpy corner that was created by his mood. And Elizabeth…well, how am I supposed to know what she's doing? I don't even know where the Hell she is man! *Camera Pans around lunchroom.* Where'd she go? Damn bitch. *Finally spots her talking to her other friends, testing their bitchyness.* Like they're bitches…damn girl needs to listen to herself talk. *Motions for Eff and Kiri to follow.* Kiri leans over and whispers to Eff:

"She knows she's calling herself a bitch right?" Eff began walking away before answering.

"Try being in her head. It's even worse in there. And yeah, she knows."

~X~X~X~ Story Continues For Real ~X~X~X~

Elizabeth wanted to see if Kiri was right. She walked up to Skye.

"Hey buddeh! Whaz up? :P" (Yes, she made the face, hence the symbol.) Skye turned around. It was then Elizabeth realized she had been making out with her boyfriend, Tim. Elizabeth was ready to puke. _Shit, it's like her pervy and slutty quirks have been multiplied by thousands! She's a super whore! _(No offense to Skye, I love you, but Jhonen pretty much makes everyone an ass…so…yeah.) Skye was about to say something when she spotted Eff.

"Who's you're new Emo friend? You guys goin' out or something?" Elizabeth realized she was hammered too.

"Ah, no, he's new, I'm showing him around."

"Dude, you should play 7 minutes in-"

"OH FUCKING **GOD **NO! THAT'S SICK! GET THE **HELL** AWAY FROM ME!" Elizabeth quickly ran away, dragging Eff and Kiri with her. Skye shrugged at her friend's behavior and turned back to Tim. She glanced at the rest of their friends, who had been watching with interest in their make-out session.

"Watch _this._" She said, turning back with a grin on her face.

Eff, in bored curiosity, and Kiri, in slight, but amused, concern, followed Elizabeth into the Hallway.

"What happened?" Kiri asked. Elizabeth could barely speak.

"Skye…perveted…UGH…" Kiri turned to Eff.

"Give her a sec." Elizabeth breathed in and out slowly, with large, deep breaths. Finally, she could make noises similar to that of words. She got what she had to say out as fast as she could, hoping she'd never have to even _think_ about it again.

"…Skye wanted me to play seven minutes in heaven with Eff!" She then slapped her hands over her mouth and slid to the floor, working on her breathing again. Kiri did her best to hide her laughter, which of course, was not trying to hide it at all. Elizabeth's face was red…She looked at Mr. Fuck. She laughed even harder, even clutching her stomach. His face was so red, it looked like someone had poured blood on it. He too had a hand to his mouth, and his eyes were wide in astonishment and disgust.

Kiri wondered which one of them would puke first.

This sent her into what could be considered "insane" laughter, and she actually fell to the floor, clutching her sides, in a fetal position. (Truth be told, this has happened once before. FOR REALZ. We were in the Hallway during science club, Eight Grade. Our teacher was explaining a trip to the rest of the class, and those of us that weren't going were said to wait in the hall. So, naturally, a game of Ninja was started. Me and Kiri, and a few others, watched the game in amused silence. That is until, one girl made the mistake of putting her hands behind her back, on her bottom. The next time around, the _boy _beside her went for 'em, and you can guess what happened. BUTT SLAP. And they had to stay frozen like that until the next turn! Oh, she DIED that day my friends, simply DIED. I nearly fell over as well, seeing as we were merely sitting on the floor, but my laughter was simply not as epic. After thinking about this, I had a feeling it would induce the same reaction. She could barely speak, I think she may have been crying how hard she was laughing… Heh, I've been giggling to myself this entire paragraph! IT WAS SO FUCKIN' FUNNY!) Finally, the near-puking, the red faces, and the hysterical laughter stopped. Eff looked at Elizabeth, still in shock, it seemed, on the floor.

_My name may be fuck but…Oh GOD that's just wrong…_

Elizabeth was having similar thoughts.

_That's…so…gross…Yes, Fuck is awesome, but…Oh My GOD! DAMN YOU SKYE! YOU'RE PERVERTED MIND RUBBED OFF ON ME IN THE SIXTH GRADE! PICTURES! AH, GOD THAT'S SICK!_

Despite their awkwardness, they recovered quickly, and Eff followed her obediently when the first bell rang. They had left a few minutes prior, to beat the crowd. ( That spelled right?) They entered her first class, Band, as the bell just finished it's frightening screaming. Her teacher didn't even ask anything about Eff, just sort of ignored him. Her Friend, Maggie, did ask though.

"Dude…who's that? Are they going to join Marching Band?" Elizabeth thought for a moment.

"Ah, no. I'm showing him around…he's a…an exchange student! Yeah, he's just gonna have all the same classes as me 'cause the office people are too lazy to print up another schedule."

"Oh." She accepted the obviously fake excuse, and they all watched their first performance…all period.

It was an 11 minute show.

~X~X~X~ (Oh? What're these lil' x's and ~'s you ask? Well, this seems to focus mostly on Elizabeth…time for a change in that! This chapter anyway. Because we ALL want to know what goes on in THIS fucked up mind…)

Eff (See, I told! Don't you want to look in his lil' brain of fuckyness!) sighed. The same video. For an hour. Her next class was English, which was more interesting…but still fairly useless. Diagramming sentences? What the HELL was THAT used for? Up next, math. This was useful, but extremely dull. TOOOOOOOOAAAAAAASSSSSSTTTTT! (I'm sorry, but that was the 17,017 word, and I decided it should be something awesome. 17 is one of the most amazing numbers, EVER! IT STALKS ME! :DDDD) Her, next, and much more…_involved _class was History. The teacher was bordering on insane. He had Star Wars posters everywhere, apparently a fish that could steal your soul, and carried a hammer around to scare kids when they weren't working… or he was arguing with them about the best movies, and Kentucky Fried Chicken being baked into Waffles. (Real conversation, actually happened, was Hilarious.)Eff had to admit, this class was enjoyable. The man practically shouted his words, but at times, could talk perfectly normally. He gave accents and made people in history seem much stupider than they already were. And, his favorite crusade was the children's crusade.

" In Church," he began. "during the Dark Ages, little kids would stand up in church and tell everyone that God had called them to fight. The parents would allow them to leave, because they were called by God! Back then, you did what God fricken' told ya to! Cause if you didn't, guess what?" A few mumbles came from the class. "He rushed up in someone's face, waving his hands around and yelling. "Burnnnnnned at the stake! Down to the Firey Pitts of Hell! Ahh! Anyway, so these kids traveled down to the tip of Italy. And guess what happened? They were sold into slavery. And the ones that got away and got a ship, well, little kids don't know how to pilot a ship do they?" A few no's. He screamed his next 3 words. "Of COURSE not! So theses kids, they get caught in a storm, and a lot of them DIE. SO, the ones that do make it?" He took on an accent. "Well, what do we have here? Aw , cute little kids! Look man, they're so cute!" He dropped the accent. "Sold into slavery." The teacher chuckled. "This has got to be my most favorite crusade, like, EVER." He emphasized.

"So, all these kids, go out and either DIE, or get turned into slaves. Isn't that just **HILARIOUS! ?**" After the bell rang, on the way out, Eff glanced at one of the life sized wooden guillotines by the door and chuckled.

He definitely liked this class.

Next was her art, in which she noticed she had drawn him in one of the "bubbles" for her project. He smirked when he saw that her face was red the entire class period. Lunch was, surprisingly, uneventful, besides one scythe-haired boy being carried out by white-coats for being insane. Elizabeth shot up when this happened.

"HI DIB!" She screamed. "I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Eff didn't even ask.

After that, they lazed around for 25 minutes, in a sort of study hall period. This is where Eff decided to ask something that had been bothering him since lunch.

"Elizabeth?" She turned to face him, leaving her drawing alone for the moment.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't they have any toast?" she just smiled.

"Cause toast is for breakfast." She answered, turning back to her picture again. Eff pouted inwardly, but leaned over to get a better look none the less. She was depicting the scene where Johnny had lifted D-Boy up into the air, about to stab him. He chuckled. Eff didn't notice it, but she glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

The next two classes, Spanish and Science, went quickly. Surprisingly, Eff understood every word uttered in Spanish, and they didn't really do anything in Science, so their day was over. When the bus had finally reached what Elizabeth deemed to be their spot, she practically ran into the house screaming. Eff walked in, and plopped himself on her couch, deciding to take a nap.

~X~X~X~

When Elizabeth was done running around the house wildly, finally off her sugar high, she never noticed one of her brothers come up and smack her hard on the back of the head. She fell heavily on the couch, next to Eff, and got some much, _much _needed sleep.

**I'm sorry guys, my brain juices are dying. I would have made it longer, but it's very tiring to give you a run-through of one of my average days. One which I will go through tomorrow…ugh. Yes, everything about the History teacher is true, and yes, I do happen to have FAN-GIRL CRUSH, on Eff. I know I said no romance, but…some fantasies may worm their way in. BUT OH GOD, SEX? ONLY IN THE WORLD'S WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE! UGH, DISGUSTING! Mostly, if at all, it will be me randomly hugging him and being embarrassed by all my drawings of him. Yep. You want romance, go somewhere else bitches.**

**Night! :P**


	10. BreakfastLunchDinner

Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner, You know what? Let's just say FOOD, and a Flashlight

Elizabeth woke up to find bright daylight shining in her eyes. She squeazed them shut tightly before realizing it was Eff holding a flashlight.

"What the FUCK Eff. I was asleep, for ONCE. Why'd you wake me up?" She said this in a mumbly and grumbly (Ha! A rhyme! Isn't it so CUTE! Now I have to kill it.) kind of way. She heard a grunt.

"Yes, I did. It's nearly lunch and I'm hungry, get up you stupid girl." Elizabeth sighed and rubbed at her eyes.

"Yeah I love you too Eff…" When she could finally SEE again, she got up and walked slowly into the kitchen, Eff trailing behind her. She finally managed to sort through what he had said though. "Wait…did you say lunch?"

"Yes."

"…Did you eat all the toast?"

"…Noooo."

"Eff, Damnit!"

"I only ate 9 pieces!"

"Ugh. You are unbelievable." She wandered over to the pantry and pulled out some cereal. She tossed it in where she thought Eff was standing without looking. He frowned.

"You get to scrounge today Eff, I'm too tired to do anything else. Milk's in the fridge, bowl's in the cabinet, and you already know all this because you saw me do it every single day. Eat one more piece of toast and I swear…something. But, anyway, you'll regret it. Leave me alone to fucking sleep on the couch and dream of Pie and Goop…mmm…Goop…" She wobbled over to the couch and promptly collapsed on it, pulling a pillow beneath her face as she fell. She was out in a matter of seconds. Eff growled at her non-compliance and put the box of cereal back in the pantry. He wandered to the fridge and grabbed and apple from their fruit and veggie drawer. Crunching on it angrily, he shoved her feet off the couch and let her hand there, turning on the Television as he sat down.

"Fuck cereal." He said as he watched a Justin Beaver's head blow up. They both stayed like that…all day.

**Filler, barely even a page worth! :D Be happy I got this out, I have a major headache that wants to eat my deelishous GUTS. Anyway, review on this shit and get a doughnut, Ciao.**


	11. Pet

Head Down, Go To Sleep, To The Rhythm Of The War Drums-Pet

Elizabeth sighed. She had woken up that morning right next to Eff on the couch, and had freaked out. He had fallen asleep watching horrible shit on the Television. When she had finally gotten over it, she went upstairs and opened her laptop. Right now, she was still really tired, and felt like some music that went with her favorite comic. Typing "Pet-JtHM" into YouTube's search bar, she added the numbers and letters necessary to get the high quality version. Making it full screen, she watched and enjoyed the well-made video, especially the lyrics that the creator had put in some of the word bubbles, except they had done an excellent job of making it look as though it was a part of the comic.

"Go you Johnnythehomicidal…" she murmured. She was still so tired… The headphones became weightless in her ears. Her chair disappeared and she floated as the words became steadily louder around her. She was in a daze, lost in her music. She closed her eyes and felt tears begin to well up in them for some reason. It was stinging and hurting, and she didn't know why. But she kept them closed.

"Head down go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums…"she murmured.

"The bogeymen are comin'…the bogeymen are comin'… just…go…to…sleep…"

"Hold you and protect you from the other ones…"

"The evil ones…"

"Don't love you son…"

"Go back to sleep."

Now the tears did fall, but it was still a mystery to her. The song replayed in her mind. She sang along, she knew every word by heart. She never knew why it seemed to mean so much to her, this song.

Yes, it described Nny and Squee's relationship pretty well.

Yes, it was awesome.

Yes, it was so, so true.

But she had never been one for telling the truth.

Elizabeth opened her eyes, to see herself at her desk, YouTube waiting for her to either click replay, or pick a new song. Her cheeks were wet. She had never cried in her sleep before, and she felt completely calm. Taking the headphones from her ears and the laptop, she hit replay.

Wandering over to her bed, she collapsed there, and listened to the song.

"_Go back to sleep…"_

Just moments after Elizabeth had fallen asleep, Johnny came through the window.

It was becoming a habit.

He had just closed it when he finally heard the words. He turned to see the video playing on it and watched with a stunned fascination as picture he knew all too well rolled by on the screen. He listened carefully to the words until the song ended. He recognized the similarities between it and his friendship with Squee. He took a mental note of the name to remember later.

Perhaps Squee would like it.

He turned around to see Elizabth asleep, but with tears rolling gently down her face. The song replayed. He had the overwhelming urge to stab her, and kill her, and see her blood stain the floor. He moved to do so, but the words stopped him.

"_Stay with me. Safe and, ignorant. Just, stay with me. Hold you and protect you from the other ones. The evil ones. Don't love you son."_

"_Go back to sleep."_

Johnny slipped his knife back into his trench coat pocket. He walked down the stairs silently, and grabbed the butcher knife he came for. He felt a pair of eyes watching him, and turned to see Eff standing in the doorway. He wanted to through his weapons at the abomination, to see _his _blood on the floor. See if he still talked about killing people then. But the words rang in his head again.

"_Lay your head down child, I won't let the bogeyman come." _

Eff stood there, looking like a forlorn and lost child. Johnny turned and left without a word. He didn't have to kill him. He wouldn't. Not yet anyway.

Not yet.

On his way home, a man asked him for some weed. Nny slit his throat without a second thought. He didn't even stop to make it painful, to draw out his death. He just kept walking. He soon found himself on the hill he gone to on that date with Devi.

"_Count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drum."_

He stared down into the vile place he called home.

"_Pay no mind to the rebel…"_

He pulled out a gun.

"_Just, stay with me…"_

A tear slid down his face and he threw the gun down the cliff.

"_Must isolate you, isolate and save you from your self. Go to sleep to the rhythm of the war drums."_

"_KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN GO TO SLEEP!"_

"_Go back to sleep."_

Johnny turned and walked back towards his home.

"I detest sleep." He said, the howling wind carrying his words away.

"I've better things to do."

**Alright, there you have it. Around three pages, still not as long as normal, but it's almost one.**

**I'm tired.**

**I hope you enjoyed, and please, review.**

**Embrace the Madness. It's all we have left.**


	12. Rape Training, Perverts, and Dreams

Rape Training, Perverts, and Scary Depressing Dreams

Elizabeth woke up and yawned. Saturday. Well wasn't this going to be fun. She adjusted herself to view the glowing numbers on her iHome. It was lunch…again. Groaning, she rolled out of the bed and down the stairs. She peered into the living room, still delighted by the resemblance of everything she saw to that of the style of JtHM. Eff, surprisingly, was still asleep on the couch. She didn't know of his encounter with Johnny the other night, and probably never would. She strode past his sprawled from on her furniture and into the kitchen. She grabbed a cup and some milk, and poured herself some. Often, when there wasn't something to eat, would just drink milk until she was so hungry later she HAD to eat something.

Going into a coma because of Low Blood Sugar may _sound _fun…but, you know. It probably wasn't.

She chugged her drink and poured another half cup, before placing the now only half full milk jug back in the fridge. She walked into the living room while she drank, getting a mustache in the process. She had never really learned to drink it right. She stared solemnly at Eff, contemplating on how she would wake him up. _Perhaps…I could sick the dog on him…wait… OH MY GOD WHERE'RE THE ANIMALS! _As many of you may have noticed, there has been no mention of Elizabeth owning animals in this story. You're about to find out why. She inhaled the rest of her milk and slammed the cup on the table, before running through every room to find her pets. She realized she hadn't seen either her dog, Rufus, or her cat, Buttons, since _before_ Eff became human. How the Hell could someone do that?

"I'm a fucktard! Who's a fucktard? I am! I am! Ooooh YES! I am a fucking fucktard! Here kitten! Buttons! Tch tch tch! Kittay! Come hither! Rufus! Pwuutch! (kissing noise) Come my wittle puppy doggy! Who's a cutey puppy? Where's my poopy puppy boy?" Elizabeth was aware of how…GIRLISH and absolutely HIDEOUS these noises and coos where. But hey. Who doesn't talk to animals like that? Besides Johnny…and Eff…and Dee…and Pepito, Senor Diablo, Reverend Meat, Santa Claus, Zim, Gaz, probably Jhonen Vasquez, that Hobo that kidnapped somebody after Dib spent about an hour ranting about Gaz's Shadow Hog predicament to him, ChickMan, Sickness, bitches, bitch-asses, fuckers, fucking bitch-asses, fucking bitch-asses with shitty clothes that fuck each other, animal abusers, futher muckers, Trollers, _Slutatious, shit-tastic, mother fucking futher muckers who are also dickheads, bitch-asses, FAT, porn-obsessed, gangsta wannabe, fangirl(or boy, yuck.) emo, goth, unreliable, stalkerish, creeperish, insulting, aggravating, Jimmy-like,bitch-since-birth, self-absorbed, obsessive, evil, cheerleading fookers. And they always, __**always, ALWAYS, **__are pricks. (When it turns to italics, this is so that you know everything in said italics is describing the same type of person.)_

What was the worst part though…_they spoke in poorly written melodramatic prose. _

_**OH THE RAGING FUCKING HORROR!**_

Elizabeth suddenly found herself falling. She caught her balance quickly, and looked down to see her black little demon kitty rubbing up against her legs. She sighed in relief, meowed at it, and then proceeded to search for her missing dog. She found him just where he was supposed to be, curled up next to her Mom, who was still in bed napping.

"Wow…I must really be forgetting stuff. Dag-namit! Sigh…eh, I'll go wake up and utterly annoy Eff. Yeeeesss…..that sounds fun…" Walking back down the stairs to her living room, she was just creeping around the corner when she saw, Eff wasn't there? "The Fuck?" She whispered. She stalked stealthily, all spy-like, through the living room and back into the kitchen. No one. She rose from her stealthy spy crouch and tapped her chin in an overly- dramatic way, before stroking an invisible beard.

"Where ever have you gone Mr. Fuck?" She murmured. She suddenly felt a hand clamp over her mouth, and another restrict her movement. She struggled, attempting a scream, but in the back of her mind, a small voice said something in a very annoyed tone.

This was happening way too often.

"Right behind you, stupid. Was that really a spy roll you did across the floor?" He released her mouth, but continued to restrain her. Despite her quick and nonchalant response, a feeling of relief washed over her.

"Yes! It was! I bet you were amazed by its awesomeness, no?" Eff shook his head, though Elizabeth didn't see it.

"No actually, I wasn't. It was like some deformed summer sault that failed so incredibly, it was hard to even look at." Elizabeth stuck out her tongue, before struggling a little bit more.

"Can you let me go now?" Eff smiled.

"No, actually, I can't."

"Weeeell…why not?"

"It's time you figured out how to keep things like this from happening. I mean, what is this, the third, fourth time?" Elizabeth shrugged.

"How am I supposed to know? I think my memory loss is getting worse."

"You know you don't even have memory loss, right?"

"Nu-uh! I totally freaked out today because I realized I hadn't seen hide nor hair of my pets since _before_ you became human. When I did find them, they had just been doing what they've always done. I mean, did Rufus even ever bark at us whenever we came in?" Eff thought for a moment before nodding and answering.

"Actually, yeah, he did, every time."

"What? You're lying. You lie! YOU LIIEEE-ack!" She choked mid "LIIIEEEEEEE!" because Eff had wrapped an arm around her neck to shut her up.

"No, I don't. And stop quoting that stupid Zim show! God that thing is annoying. Especially that retarded dog…ugh. Anyway, back on topic, yes? If someone is restraining you, as I am now, then your best bet is to attempt to surprise them, if they aren't morbidly obese like your mother-"

"She's not-!" Eff tightened his grip again.

"Yes she is, don't deny it. Anyway, if they aren't too fat, you should try throwing them over your shoulder either before you start moving, or when you've stopped. If that doesn't work, then you should put your feet through your arms, like they teach you in P.E. and shit, as fast as you can. Then turn around and punch them or something. Try it now." Eff loosened his grip slightly, and though she was nervous, she did her best to fling him over her shoulder. Nothing happened. "What was that?" Eff scolded.

"Well I'm sorry! Let's try again!" This time, she did fling him, because he wasn't expecting her to try again right away, and he landed with a thump on the floor.

But so did she. It was a valiant effort.

"There, happy?" She said, standing.

"Sure that's good. Now let's try the other way, eh?" The next thing she knew, Eff had her again. "Try it." He said. She nodded and attempted to do it, but she had barely gotten her left foot halfway through when he lifted her up off the ground, effectively choking and stopping her. "Too slow!" He jeered. "Try again!" He let her back down and she begrudgingly continued trying. And trying. And trying. They must have spent a good 30 minutes doing it until she had mastered the skill. Eff finally let her go. She gasped a bit for air before falling on the couch in a heap.

"Finally! That was so retarded!" Eff came and sat on her, grabbing the remote and flicking on the television.

"Yeah, but now if some pervert tries to rape you, Johnny won't try and kill ME for letting it happen."

"You're so thoughtful." She muttered through the pillows. She rolled off the couch, taking Eff with her. She jumped up and put her foot on his chest. "Ha! What now you Styrofoam bastard! Wait…you're not Styrofoam anymore. Ha! What now you bastard?" Though he had no pupils, Elizabeth got the feeling he was rolling his eyes at her.

"This now." He said, throwing her back on the couch before sitting down as well and reclaiming the remote….and his hat. She stuck her tongue out and got up, headed for the kitchen.

"Whaddya want for lunch Eff? Besides toast!" She heard a few grumbles and then his answer.

"Isn't all you have horrible sandwiches and Easy Mac?"

"First of all, call it a SAMMICH, and yeah, it is. Whaddya want?"

"Ugh. Give me the Easy Mac."

"Two Easy Mac's coming up!" She set to work on making their yummalicious lunch. When she walked back into the living room with two steaming bowls, she frowned at the drool hanging from Eff's mouth as he watched the mind-numbing shit they broadcast on TV. She came over and placed the scalding hot bowl on his lap, jolting him to his senses. She then flicked off the television.

"Hey!" Eff shouted, carefully removing the meal from his lap. "I was watching that!" She scowled at him.

"Well, I noticed that you were _drooling_ at the pure stupidity of it. It is _literally _numbing your brain. I don't exactly want you to be a vegetable." Eff was about to make another smart ass comment when the possible-to-exploit unlikely meaning behind her words hit him. He grinned, making himself appear a fearsome thing.

"Well, why _don't _you want me to become a vegetable?" She swallowed another bite of cheesy goodness.

"Because I do NOT, want to give you a fucking sponge bath." Elizabeth was not expecting what came next. She looked over at Eff to find that he was right up next to her.

"You sure?" He said. Of course, on the inside, he was disgusted by even saying such a thing, but the look on her face was _priceless._ Her eyes widened in fear, surprise, and more fear. He looked God Damned _scary _grinning like that.

"What..E-Eff, g-get away! You Sicko! S-Sick Ba-b-bastard!" His evil smile grew, freaking her out all the more.

"I'm a sick bastard? Wasn't I just being super nice and teaching you how not to get kidnapped by a rapist? Why you so nervous huh? Come on now my girl, I won't hurt you, I'm your _friend. _Your friend won't hurt you, why you so scared?"

She back up against the couch and pushed him back with her feet.

"I'm, I'm serious dammit. Back off Eff, I'm-" Her eyes widened. "Fuck." She whispered. Eff stopped harassing her, his eyes widening too. They could both hear it.

Psycho DoughBoy was back.

_**Well well, look at the little couple. Aren't you two just adorable? And why Eff, I never saw you as the forceful type! What are you trying to do, seduce her by scaring the shit out of her? Why the both of you are just so PATHETIC-**_

"Shut up you! I was just screwing with her head! Having some fun watching her freak out. Oh WAIT, I almost forgot, you don't know what fun IS, you're too god-damned DEPRESSED all the Fucking time!"

_**Oh no, is someone angry I interrupted their love fest?**_

Eff didn't respond this time, but just growled. Elizabeth spoke then, sort of surprising both of them out of their argument.

"Shut up Dee. Eff is right. He wouldn't really do that."

_**Obviously, you didn't know that while it was happening.**_

"Well, I was about to kick him in the nuts, and he doesn't know how badly that hurts yet, so I'm sure I could get away in time if he really meant it."

"Hey!" Eff yelled indignantly. She shot a glare at him.

"Shuddup before I poke your belly so that Dee knows what happens too." Needless to say, Eff shut up. "Now then…, Dee, I am_ FUCKING, SERIOUS. _If you don't leave us alone, right now…"

Elizabeth woke up. Eff was shaking her.

"Stupid, stupid fucking girl. Going and passing out just cause I was messing with you. I wasn't really gonna force myself on you or whatever, okay? Just fricking wake up!" She blinked a few times.

"I'm awake! Alright? God, what the Hell happened?" Eff backed out of her personal bubble.

"I was screwing with you and pretending to be a pervert when you went and fainted. Who faints when they think they're about to get raped?" She sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Obviously, I do. And I SWEAR TO GOD, you EVER, do that again, and I will…" He smiled.

"You'll what?" She paused, then turned to grab her bowl of Easy Mac, pouting.

"Shaddap." Eff chuckled to himself and they both ate their Mac in silence. One thoroughly amused, the other thoroughly annoyed.

"Just admit it. I win." He said. When he got no response, he looked over and saw her asleep again, her face half in the empty bowl, with the spoon gripped tightly in her hand. He sighed. "I'll take that as an admission of defeat." He finished his food, and placed it carelessly on the floor. He took the spoon from her grasp, and her face from the bowl. Picking her up, he began the journey upstairs.

"God…she's heavy…cut down on the Doughnuts you bitch." He reached her room and plopped her unceremoniously on her bed, tossing the blanket over her. "There. Now I won't have to share the couch." He went back downstairs, his mind totally void of thoughts about Elizabeth.

There was no room for him to be annoyed at her, only room for how much toast he could sneak without her noticing.

**Mmkay, that's a wrap! Here's a nice long-ish post for ya'll on 9/11. I'm trying to update everything tonight, so keep a look out. Thanks, and review!**


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